Sunday, March 27, 2011

Talk about a slap in the face

So, last night Toby and I were snuggling on the couch when he told me about a conversation he overheard. The people participating were single and upset about... life, i guess. Anyways, the subject was excessive PDA on campus. This started the subject of girls getting married young (18,19,20) and why they do that. This is what they came up with:
1. Can't survive in life w/o a companion
2. Need to be "molded" and he needs someone to "boss"
3. Just plain stupid and should get more life experience before getting married
4. Also, its dumb to have babies right away

I couldn't believe that's what they were talking about. I got engaged at 18 and married at 19 and has my first baby at 20. I know the people that were having this conversation and it really hurt my feelings that they would think of me in this way. Apparently, knowing our situation or conveniently forgetting it, allows them to bash married people. I can tell you right now that I wasn't jumping into marriage, it was the biggest decision of my life. We decided to get pregnant because we felt it was right for us. We did not make our decisions lightly or without a lot of counsel and prayer.
It just feels like a slap in the face when people talk this way. Sure, there are a few girl and even a few guys who jump into marriage prematurely, but honestly how can anyone know this unless you are close to the situation? Your tell me that just because I got married at 19 that I was an idiot and I need more life experience? What do you know of my experiences before I was married? What experience does being single offer over being married? The only one I can think of is dating dating and more dating... of different people. I'm fine with the one I have. I can still go places and do things and accomplish my dreams, just now I have a partner to do it with. Being married doesn't make you incompetent, thank you very much. Neither does being a mother.
Anyways, the point of this blog post was to point out the fact that assumptions, pretty much all of them, are probably false. In this world we judge, its what we do, we just need to make sure that we aren't making unrighteous judgments and lumping people into an unnecessary category. By the way, what does my getting married young have to do with your life anyways? oh, nothing? yeah, then don't judge my life when you don't know anything about it.

6 pieces of love:

The Gilberts said...

Hey I totally agree with you about this subject Samm! We are always getting these kinds of comments from people about why would we want to have kids right away while Aaron is going to school and whatnot. It is really annoying.

Salem and I think that people who get married young actually have an advantage in a lot of ways. For Aaron and I we think that it has been harder for us to transition because we had been single for so long that we kind of had our ouwn identities. I think it's great that you guys got married young and had kids right away. No one can put themselves in your shoes unless they are you!

The Mathesons said...

Wow, go Samm! I'm from a not-so-LDS town, and most of my friends thought I was CRAZY for getting married at 21, and that I had only known Ben for two years and had not even lived with him yet... my closest high school friends didn't even come to my reception! This sort of thinking used to bother me A LOT, now I find it's just sad. Clearly, people who think this way have a very limited understanding of marriage and family. Some people need more time before marriage, but to intentionally go out of your way to stay single just to experience "single life" is depriving yourself of some of the greatest blessings and happiness you can experience in eternity. Don't worry about those silly kids Samm, they're just ignorant and have very little understanding. Hopefully someday they can fall in love and start a family, and maybe they'll change they're minds. :)

Amy McFarlane said...

wow those were like the dumbest reasons i have ever heard! they were probably just bitter for being single :) and really, they probably just know how happy you and hopefully all of their married friends are with their spouse and kids and maybe they just needed to feel better about their own situation. We hear that kind of thing sometimes (especially now that our 2nd will be so close to juliet!) but you're right, it's your business, not theirs! if you're happy then that's the best thing to show them :)

MaryDawnCarrier said...

Amen! To ALL of this!

Butler Family said...

I'm sorry that those people were saying things about you like that. You are such an amazing person and I think you did the right thing in everything because you did it knowing that is what the Lord wanted you to do. I got married at 19 and had Gordon at 20. Things happen for a reason and those people have to know that it is with the Lord's help that these awesome and wonderful things happen the way they do. I was completely shocked getting pregnant with Gordon but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Sometimes the Lord just knows what we need more

Sara said...

*hugs* They're probably just jealous because they can't find anyone to marry them. I think you're awesome. No one has the right to decide when someone else should or shouldn't get married or start their family. I think some people thought I was crazy to get married when I did and I was 25! We also got pregnant right away because that's what we felt was right for us. As long as you do what you know is right for you and your family, you're good to go! No one else can make that decision for you. My inactive family likes to shove their opinions in my face and it drives me crazy. "You should wait till John's done with school to have more kids" and "Now that you have one of each you don't need any more" etc. But in the end, we're going to do what we feel is best. And I know you will do the best you can for your family :)

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