Tuesday, May 17, 2011

sometimes its lonely inside my head

   Well, the hubby is going out of town in a few weeks. He's been telling lots of people, so that I'll have help with the three little munchkins. He says he's doing it so people will visit and I won't be lonely. But honestly? Without him here, I'm already lonely.

   Maybe its because I've moved so many time, but I feel lonely a lot. Maybe its because I've moved so many time, but I'm pretty good at making friends but not keeping them long term. I mean, they're still my friends, but we're not super close anymore. I'm noticing it more and more. People who I thought I was close to, I'm really not. There is only one person who has been in my life for longer than the time I've lived there. She's still my best friend. We still talk.

   I thought I had friends in HS, I thought I had friends from youth, but none of them want to have anything to do with me anymore. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I didn't grow up with any of them. I only met them when I was 14. They were nice and I guess they tried to be friends with me, but they don't want to anymore. Its hard breaking into a group of friends that have know each other practically their whole lives.

    Whenever I go home to VA, nobody is excited to see me or get together. Its hard to accept that people just don't care anymore. Its hard to see their relationships with each other and to not be included.  Its the same everywhere I go.
    We've moved 4 times in our 4 years of marriage and for the most part we've kept a pretty secure group of friends. They've gotten us through so much. THey are definitely ones we will keep in touch with.

Its just hard living like you have no one in your past. Its lonely. But maybe its just all in my head.


4 pieces of love:

The Mathesons said...

I know exactly what you mean, except I didn't move much. My close group of HS friends all knew eachother since kindergarten, and I somehow joined the group when I was 13ish. It was really hard! Now they all still hang out and talk, but none of them even came to my wedding reception when they all lived with a few hours of it! I didn't understand, since I would have driven from ID to be at any of theirs (and probably still would). It's just life I guess. I have a really hard time making friends that are more than just acquaintances anymore, so I've noticed. It's lonely sometimes! I got a little lonely today, and thought of you guys when we went to the park. I wish your kids didn't have croup or I would have seen if you wanted to come!! Seriously though, if you get lonely while the hubby's gone please, please, PLEAASE let me know! I can always use a friend too!

Erica said...

If you come to Utah again, I'm here :)

Butler Family said...

hey I love you and am always ready and willing to get together when you come back to virginia. you are a great friend to me and I love you dearly

MaryDawnCarrier said...

Hey, I Facebooked you a response :)

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