Friday, April 1, 2011

my own personal hell

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. How can I love my kids so much and yet get so angry with them? I feel bipolar sometimes because I can me so happy one second and just jumping mad the next.
Last night the girls wouldn't eat and were screaming and Ben kept getting up out of bed and I was so tired of it all them I kinda feel like I shut down. Almost indifferent. I dressed the girls in their jammies and hauled them off to bed. then I put Ben in bed for the last night and threaten him with cold water if he got out of bed again. Did I care? Nope. Why not? I spent all night thinking about this and I have still come to no conclusions. I hate feeling this way. I mean I don't beat them or anything, I just get so mad at them!

Today the sun is shining and I feel good, but what happens when they tick me off again?

6 pieces of love:

Josh, Shauna, Allison, Brynlee said...

I hope you know that you are not alone in your feelings! I feel that way most nights after the kids are in bed and then feel guilty after they are asleep. Being a Mom is tough work so thanks for sharing your thoughts so I can know that I am not alone as well!

Butler Family said...

girl being a mom is such a tough job but is so rewarding. I have regretted yelling at the kids but not till they are asleep and quiet and I have time to think. I sometimes wonder why I do it knowing they don't like it but it is really the one way that works for them sometimes. You are not alone though and it happens to moms all the time. Don't feel bad. I LOVE YOU!!

The Mathesons said...

Definitely have been there, and then I feel so guilty all night because I realize I could have been soooo much better. It's the whining that drives me crazy the fastest! (ironically, that happy little boy of mine just started it up.. good thing bedtime is soon!!).

MaryDawnCarrier said...

Sometimes, us moms just need a time out. Anybody would go a little crazy with 3 (in my case 2) loud, grumpy, people doing the opposite of everything you say. Archer has turned into a monkey and now scales EVERYTHING. I understand. It also make me understand my mom a bit more :)

Tricia said...

Thank you for writing this! It's nice to see I'm not alone, even though there are people who would try to make someone feel bad for thinking & feeling this way. My personal theory is that you love & care about them a whole ton!! :-) It's only motherly of you to be upset when they don't act/behave how you'd like because being the older, more wise person, you'd like for them to follow you. At least that's how I feel. You're doing great, Samm! Having 2 under 2 is tough - 3 under 3 is quite amazing!!!

Mandy said...

don't you love two/three yr olds! It's way frustrating, and I feel like I have anger mng. issues! I really wanted to sign him up for soccer so we as a family can encourage him with something constructive- but he ended up being too young (!there goes that plan!)but it always seems like a better day when I let him explore outside- he's washable so he can get dirty

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