ummm?

Does anybody actually read this? I"m wondering if i'm doing this just to keep my sanity some days. I'm very curious to know if anyone actually read it. If it weren't me, i proably wouldn't because i know i tend to go of on tangents and its like my mind vomits and spews things out and they aren't necessarily in the right order. Oh well, as long as i can record things and go back to read them, then its worth it. I'm not the most committed blogger, but hey, who's has all the time in the world to do it, cuz whoever does needs to share!

I guess what i'm getting at is.. i went back and read what i wrote about the girls and i started crying because it brought back all the guilty feelings I had when they were born. I'm was so mad that i couldn't keep then any longer, mad that they were struggling, mad cuz i wouldn't hold then, then felt guilty when i didn't want to get out of bed to go see them. I felt horribly guilty (and still kinda to) for leaving Peyton in Boise for so long... even if i was sick and needed to be at the hopsital every day. It was a hard situation, but i've learned so much through out all of this, that i wouldn't trade the girls for anything, i would do this all again if faced with the same thing... isn't that kinda the point of trials?

Anyways, there's your verbal vomit for the night.. if in fact you are reading this..