Goals, schmoles

This year we set come pretty intense goals for the year. We wanted our house to be a House of Order, and a House of God. If you know me, you know that I'm not necessarily a tidy person. It can get out of comtrol pretty easily, I'm sad to say. Its getting better all the time, which is good.

Another goal was to have FHE every monday, scriptures and prayer as a family every night. We decided the other day that this goal is pretty much taken care of. We incorporated into out bedtime routine for the kids. Its works out great. We read about 5 verses a night, sometime more, or less depending on when the chapter ends. We are already in 2nd Nephi. I'm so proud, it really is a big accomplishment for our family.

We started new goals to work on, and they include: personal scripture study before bed, couple's prayer, individual prayer. 3 days in and we're doing good. I feel lots closer to Toby, spiritually, then we have. It has brought us closer together.

One thing I have noticed is my attitude towards... well, everything. I am much more in control of my mood and much less likely to explode at my kids. I am doing much better and keeping a tidy house, or rather, having the motivation to do so. Its really nice. Its amazing what reading the scriptures can do for your life. I highly recommend it.

We are much closer as a family and we are getting goal set, done and checked off our list. Its only took us half a year, right? But at least its getting done. I love my family and I'm starting to love myself. What more could I ask for?

Maybe this time it will work

I think this is the fourth time I've tried this, so hopefully nothing gets screwed up this time, because I'm not doing it again!

Day 24-A letter to your parents

  Dear Mom and Dad,

     Im sure that you love me, but I think you think your grand kids are the bee's knees!

   Love, Samm

P.S. your grand kids love you too!!

 
Day 25-What I would find in your bag
   I use mainly my diaper bag:

1. gdiapers w/ cloth inserts

2. wetbag

3. changing pad

4. about a bazillion toys

5. enough snacks to feed and army

6. books

7. wallett

8. cell phone

9. wipes

10. water bottle and sippy cups

 

Day 26-What do you think about your friends
   All my friends are pretty awesome, but i have the greatest friend in the world. She's always visiting me on my special occasions. She came up for my wedding (it was a surprise), and she came up to support me after my girls were born. Its means everything to me that she is always there for me!! I hope I can do the same.

 

Day 27-Why you are doing this 30 day challenge

    At first I thought it would be fun, but this just got old and long and I kept forgetting. It has been good to get things down and it got me going on blogging again. This is the most I've ever blogged, I believe. I hope others have enjoyed learning a little bit more about me. Next time, I'll try and find a funner one (can you say that?! :)  )
Day 28-A picture of you from last year and now-how have you changed?

 Then

Now

I have learned a ton this past year. I have gone from being responsible for one person to 3. Yep, we jumped from 1 kid to 3 in one pregnancy. It has been a struggle, but I've learned patience and looking for the good in your trials. Trials are given up to strengthen us and teach us. As a family, we have grown through saying family prayers and reading scriptures. We have definitely noticed a change in that we feel the evil forces working harder and harder against us. It just testifies that we are on the right track.

 

Day 29-In this past month, what have you learned?

   I have learned to be more organized. I have been better at shopping and saving and making wholesome meals, even it if takes a little more time. Its been good, me going back to school to get my Associates Degree. I hope it teaches my children the importance of education.
 

Day 30-Your favorite song

   Bryan Adams "Summer of '69" Best song since 1st grade! 'Nuff said.

YES! It worked! I'm done with this challenge! It finally worked out! Hope you enjoyed it! 

Day 6 of the 30 Day Challenge

Day 6: Your favorite superhero and why

   So, this is the day I consider the stupid one. I don't watch cartoons, i hate them actually. I don't watch any of those superhero shows! I do like the remade ones. I loved the Batman movies with Christian Bale, Iron Man with Robert Downey Jr, and The Hulk with Edward Norton. All very good movies. But, just so we're clear, I don't like the cartoons. bleh.
However, I guess in a way, Christ is a super hero, right? He did save all of man kind. Yes, he's definitely my favorite superhero. Why, you ask? Well, he's my brother and he died for me. And he would of done it if it was just me he was saving. Yep, he's the best superhero ever!

So, I stole this picture from Greg Olsen's website! I found this and its definitely my favorite right now! Did you know he's my dad's cousin? Yep, we're related! He is married to my Dad's cousin and he's so nice! He's the best artist!
Click the picture to so to his site!
(I guess this make Christ AND Greg Olsen my heroes.. lol)

Ben's Prayers

Ben has started to say his own prayers, rambling on as is per usual. He rarely get prompted unless he missed saying something... most of the time, its: "dear.... this hot dog, this donald duck..." So, we have to go back and start over.

This was his prayer on lunch:

Ben: "Dear.... this hot dog"
Mom: "Heavenly Father"
Ben: "Fadder... this hot dog"
Mom: "thank you for.."
Ben: "Thank you for.... this hot dog, this day, this animal cracker, this..what this (pointing to the vase of fake flowers) "
Mom: "flowers"
Ben: "this flowers, this mickey mouse fork, this babies AddiePeytieAddie (yes, that is all one word), this face (pointing to his own), this pumpkin, this pumpkin face, this.... (its a calendar that he's pointing at)
Mom: "calendar"
Ben: "..... these numbers, 9, 10, 10, 10. Jesus Christ..... AMEN!


Yes, these prayers are precious, and that was pretty much verbatim. He's adorable when he gets going. Some times he thanks Heavenly Father for all this body parts, and goes through them. Most of the time he lists his toys and shows that he likes. Lately he's thankful for candy, duh.
He's so adorable, and i'm grateful he's so excited about church and Jesus, and prayers, he reminds us every night to say them (sometimes multiple times to get out of going to bed.)

Twin Blessings

Toby's family came mainly for the girl's blessings. They were blessed August 1st, 2010. They were 6 months old. funny, i know.
When the girls were first born, we had a hard time deciding whether or not to bless them in the hospital, or to wait. I guess I really freaked out, thinking that if we blessed them, they wouldn't have any need to stick around.. I guess I felt so cheated about other newborn baby milestones that i really wanted them to have a blessing in our ward. I wanted to have all my family there, and pretty little dresses, cute bows, and a big party afterward, and let them have one "normal" thing in their lives. We decided that if we felt they were slipping away, we would bless them in the hospital, but we never did. Thus, their twin blessing:













Toby with his beautiful baby girls!

















Family picture. Ben wanted to help bless them...













Circle: Great-Grandpa Gallegos, Grandpa Dossett, Dad, Seth Johnson, Steve Dunn
Not pictured: Marcus Crook, Bishop Sessions




Addison Avery Dossett













Peyton Noel Dossett (she doesn't actually wave yet)

Loony bins, straight jackets and padded rooms....

Yesterday I was minding my own business while I was sitting in Peyton's room. Unfortunately I got roped into talking to a "Patient Care Coordinator" who wanted to talk to me about postpartum depression. Or rather tell me how its a miracle that I'm still walking. Confused? let me enlighten you! She kept talking to me about why i am at risk for PPD. Let me tell you all the reasons that I should apparently be in bed staring at the wall, crying my eyes out:
1. I had extremely early preemies
2. My babies are in the NICU
3. I was on bedrest
4. I had a c-section
5. family history of bi-polar/ depression
6. had twins
7. separated from family
8. had my babies in january (so no sun)
9. babies had to have surgery
10. the c-section that i had will prevent me from ever delivering vaginal again.

So, can you see why the "PCC" was amazed that I'm still able to function? well, let me tell you, it kinda pissed me off, if you couldn't tell already. She kept going on and on about how it was ok to cry, and especially to let out my feeling of anger, grief, fear, etc. Ok, Ok, lady, i hear what you're saying but can we please stop talking about what to do after we already decided that I don't have any of the symptoms! I mean holy freaking crap, get over it!! Not that i'm saying that anyone who does have it is crazy or weird or should be ashamed but not everyone get it, no matter how bad thing get. And things keep piling up, ok? Ben is getting sick, my mom is running ragged taking care of my kid, my husband is trying to get caught back up with his school work and I'm trying not to run myself into the ground while still taking care of my baby girls while not getting sick, and still recovering from a major c-section.
But thanks, i'm doing good. I didn't say great, but good. I've been strengthen through all of this and have not been able to do this by myself. The Lord has been a great strength to me, not to mention, the one i lean on when i feel alone. But I am not alone in this. Toby is also a great strength to me! Without him I would be lost, and I am not. he is my other half and I olove him so incredibly much! Ben is my other joy. He is such a perfect baby and I love him so much!! he was given to me at this time to help and be a source of joy. My mother is making sure that he is doing well while I am gone and Toby is in school. Its hard, but hey, we already agreed to these trials, right? I tell myself that every night and every time I start to feel sorry for myself....

....And it will surprise you what the Lord has done!!!

I literally can not go another day without writing down all that we have been blessed with through this trial. I remember that jut a few weeks ago in Sunday School, that I made the comment that "we agreed to the trials that we go through on this earth." I honestly do believe that with all my heart. I believe that we aren't placed in certain circumstances by accident, and that we are in control of our lives by the Lord's hand. So, if I truly believe that, then I must know that I agreed to this trial, that my husband agreed to this trial, and that these two beautiful girl, came to this earth knowing the struggles and hardships that would be place and their tiny, too fragile bodies. Knowing this brings me so much peace and comfort. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments of fear, but reminding myself that the lives of these two little angels resting in the hand's of God calms my fears and reminds me of what truths I have been given to know.
First of all, and update on the girls would probably be appropriate:
Peyton, had her heart surgery today, February 8, 2010 at approx. 6p. The anesthesiologist and the surgeon came and told me that everything went well. She was a very brave soul and there were no complications during the surgery. She is very stable and even her O2 levels have gotten better since the surgery. She has had a fight on her hands that past couple of weeks and the Dr.s and nurses have tried to close the valve in her heart without surgery. Unfortunately it just needed to happen, sooner rather than later. Toby and I both felt that this was right, for her to come to Boise and have the surgery. She will do so much better now that the valve isn't complicating her growth and progress. She hasn't started on breastmilk yet, but hopefully when we get back to EIRMC (Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center) in Idaho Falls, and doing better then they will start her on "feeds". Also another milestone (for me) was that the nurse here at St. Luke's let me touch Peyton without gloves. We had to wear gloves in because they were so little and their skin was so fragile. We still can only hold a hand or foot because any rubbing hurts them and feels likte hard scratching on their sensitive skin.
Addison is doing so well, it makes me want to cry, and I often do, lately. She was ex-tubated, meaning the tube that was put down her throat to breath for her was removed and she was put on what is called a Bubble CPAP. She is basically breathing on her own, but the bubble CPAP forces wet O2 down her nose to help keep pressure on her lungs to stay open. The nurses in the NICU all made bets on when she would have to be intubated again, because it is common for preemie babies to go back and forth between the Bubble CPAP and being intubated. I think the nurse with the highest bet was about 8 hrs. Addison has been on the Bubble CPAP for over 3 days now, with no complications!! Everyone is amazed that a baby born at 23.6 weeks is already doing so well on Bubble CPAP! Addison is already eating, with a minor set back. on about day 5 of "feeds" she started spitting up green gunk with a tinge of blood, so they took her off feeds for a day. They started they back up again yesterday, and she is already up to 2 cc of milk every 3 hrs. Before, it was only 1 mL. Her heart valve (aka PDA) closed with the medicine and that is probably the reason she is doing better than Peyton right now, however, we are extremely hopefully that Peyton's progress will steadily get better.

Blessings, Blessings, Blessings:
There are so many things we feel the need to be grateful for, that i might miss some. I promise to follow up with more posts as i remember things to be grateful for!

1. It was actually a blessing that i started bleeding when I did. We found out that I might have actually been in labor or at least having contractions for awhile before we went to the Dr. When I started bleeding and the Dr. couldn't figure out why, but i was put on bed rest, it was a blessing to have that extra week for the girls! When I started really bleeding the second time (the night before they were born), and we decided on the c-section, it saved Peyton's life. We are extremely grateful for the intuitivness and care of smart Drs.

2. We are grateful that we were transfered to EIRMC when we were because i started bleeding that night and the girls were born the next day. I might have had to be Medivaced by helicopter if we hadn't.

3. On that note, we are VERY grateful that my mom flew in the very night before I was transfered. She was able to give Ben stability whileI was in the hopsital and Toby had to be in school. Thanks to mom for coming, and thanks to dad for being willing to have her be here with us. Thanks to all other family and friends who came to visit and show their support.

4. We are grateful for our healthy sized tax return that will pay for all the gas that we use going back and forth to IF daily.

5. The Drs. that are taking care of our girls are some of the best in the country. This hospital holds the country record for taking care of the smallest baby ever born in the US and coming through very well.

6. Even though its a huge thrial to be apart, we are grateful that peyton had her surgery. She was not doing well with the valve stilll open. Now that she's had her surgery, we can concentrate on her getting better!!

7. I'm grateful that when my girls DO come home, i will be completely healed and rested and able to take care of them the best that I can.

8. Even though I would have rather staed pregnant at least a LITTLE bit longer... lol , we are being blessed by recieving disability from SS because the girls are so small. The money can be used to buy things for the girls, but when they come home and they might need some outpatient care, that is what the money will be used for. Plus gas!!

9. I am grateful for the love and support of the greatest husband ever!! He has been by my side through all of this. He stays close to the spirit to feel the promptings related to our girls. He is a worth preisthood holder who was able to give Peyton a blessing on saturday. he works so hard at school even though he is stressed and worried about the girls and even me and Ben.

10. We are grateful for all the nurses who sit next to Addy and Peytee (as Ben calls them) 24/7 and keep them feeling and doing well. We are grateful for the amazing progress that Addison has made and that Peyton is doing well now.


There are many more things that I am grateful for, but i can't list everything at the same time because my braing gets muddled. Our girls are now 11 days old and doing very well. We still feel that they will be able to grow and develop enough to be able to come home and be our beautiful, happy, special little angels.

But most of all, we are grateful for the the promises from the Lord that he will watch over our little girls and give us the strength to see these little girls through. as i said before, my spirit knew this would happen and I do feel as if i was prepared, spiritually at least. I love my little gierls and wouldn't change anything.

Hopsital Visit: Week 1

So, i've been quite lazy and haven't updated this like I should of. So, here goes:

I have been admitted to the hospital until the Twins come. I am on strict bedrest and can not even lay flat, my head has to be lower than my legs, to keep pressure off my cervix. No, I do not even get potty privileges, I have the joys of using a bed pan. Yeah, I know, you're jealous. Now that you have a small update, I'll let you know what happened.

Tuesday, January 18, I found that I was bleeding. This wasn't just any bleeding, it was heavy significant bleeding. Toby's class was just getting out, so I called him, packed up Ben in the car and headed to the Dr's Office. I'd bled a little with Ben but it was slight and was declared implantation bleeding, basically a little bit of blood that can come after the egg attaches to the uterus. Anyways, we got to the Dr. Office and got checked by Dr. Allred. (Not the most pleasant experience ever, as mom's know). He said I was dialated about 1 cm, but that could just be how my cervix could be with already having 1 baby or the fact that i'm pregnant with twin. But there was still a significant amount of bleeding (like a period) so he ordered an ultrasound. Ever reassuring, he stated that this could just possibly be a time in my pregnancy that I go on house arrest, but could also be an abrupt placenta, which is where the placenta can become detached from the uterus wall and is fatal. The ultrasound ruled out any problems with the placentas and with the babies. They are both growing strong and are both super healthy. However, when the Tech was checking my cervix, she wasn't very happy with the result and called the Dr. in. When Dr Allred check out the image, he wasn't very happy. He said that it turned out to be a lot more serious that he thought and I needed to check into the hospital immediately.
It turns out that I have what is called an incompetent cervix. Unfortunately there is pressure building on my cervix and not even from the babies, but if i were to stay on my feet, then I would go into preterm labor, and my girls wouldn't even have a chance. I am currently 23 weeks, turning 24 on Thursday, which is a viable age for the girls, if I were to have then now. So, what now, you ask?? I am on bedrest until the girls would be strong enough to survive on their own. I am being transferred to EIRMC this week because they have a more specialized NICU and are able to care for infants under 30 weeks. It is a precautionary method, so my goal is to reach 30 weeks on bed rest (which is about 6 weeks) then to be transferred back up here to Madison Memorial Hospital in Rexburg to have the babies. They aren't going to be full term babies and will spend some time in the NICU which is why i want to have them in Rexburg, because it would be so much easier to be with them.

So that is my update, however there is one more thing i want to say. We appreciate all prayers and fasts on behalf of our family. We have definitely felt the spirit as we have started to take in all that has happened this past week. We do not feel as if we are being prepared to lose them. As serious as this situation is, and as scared as we are for their lives, we honestly believe that these two spirits will live and we will be able to eventually take them home. We don't know when, but they will come when they are supposed to and we are doing everything in our power to make sure they have a fighting chance. Again, all prayers are appreciated, as well as visits, as they really boost our spirits! Also, feel free to call my cell! Thanks for all the love and support!!

Samm, Toby, Ben, Peyton, Addison

New News 3

Here is my final update to get everything up to date.

Ben is growing bigger and taller all the time. I can barely hold him anymore. Not only is he big, but he's so active that its hard to keep up with him. He loves to run around outside, especially playing with the other kids toys. He loves riding the rocking horse and sometimes i feel like he's gonna fall over forward because he's such a good rocking horse rider!
Ben started walking right around his birthday. He was running the next day! No really, he's hardly struggled at all since he finally understood that he could get around fast on his feet rather than his knees. he loves to run up and down that hall and up and down the sidewalk, giggling and laughing so hard that he falls over.
He says lots of words now. His favorite word is NO. He loves to just yell it in his crib when he wakes up in the morning. He's such a good baby because in the morning he calls for "dadadadada" to get him up and going. Of course, momma picks out his clothes and outfits cuz daddy has no clue what matches for a little baby boy as cute as Ben. He know how to say yes, no, please, thank you, cracker, water, cheese, and a few others.
Since he turned 8 month old, we've been teaching him a few signs. He know "more" and "cheese". We just taught him the sign for Jesus, even though he does his own version of it. These are the only signs we can get him to do on a regular basis.
Although he doesn't say a lot of words or use a lot of signs, he understand almost everything I say. I can tell him to go put that in the trash, or go get this certain toy and he does it! Discipline is hard because I don't want spanking to be the majority discipline. Time outs work great and lately he listens to me when I tell him not to do something, because I use the 3-2-1 method. He has to the end of the countdown to do what I ask (mostly to come here) and he will do it.. around the number 1. lol at least he knows!
One of Ben's favorite things to do it knock. He will knock on any one's door that i let him. He has practiced on our door at home, and actually has a pretty strong knock. People think that the knock is from an adult, but not, its from my little 14 month old. I have to laugh out loud.
His other favorite thing to do is rearrange my can on my shelves. In our new place, its a bit smaller and has less cupboard space so we bought a shelving unit to so in our hallway. Ben loves to stack the cans and make a game of throwing the cans on the kitchen floor. But then he learns about consequences because I make him pick up all the cans that he threw on the floor. A few weeks ago, i found all my peanut butter in the trash, so he got a talking to about NOT throwing food in the trash.

The Best part of Being a Mom: The other day, we were up on campus eating lunch and Toby and I were saying a prayer over our food, when i looked up to see what Ben was doing, and he was staring at me.... WITH FOLDED ARMS!! He folded his arms all by himself! We have tried not to force him because I don't want him to think that He has to. We decided to show him by example and just to see the fruits of that is amazing!! And its not just a hoax , he's done it every prayer since then. I'm so proud of my boy!!
Next post will be his one year pictures!! Enjoy!

He Remembers....

Yesterday I was 'nuggling Ben on the couch when I noticed that he was craning his head around to look at something in the corner of the Living Room. At first I thought he was trying to watch TV so I turned it off yet he still seemed to stare at the corner. So I took him over there, thinking he wanted to look at the light from the lamp. But as we got closer to the corner, I noticed that it wasn't the lamp he was looking at, at all. We have a small 5x7 frame of Jesus by the lamp and Ben was mesmerized by it. He quietly stared at the picture for almost 2 whole minutes (those who have kids know how rare that attention span is, especially for a 4 month old). I kept asking him if he knew who he was looking at and he would just look at me then return his attention to the picture. After the 2 minutes, he tried to reach out and grab the picture. It melted my heart that he would find the small picture of Jesus and just recognize it. It isn't really in a conspicuous spot that you would think a baby would look at, yet he saw and recognized his big brother.

How special babies are!! What a witness to me, of the premortal life and how precious and wonderful gifts that we are given!! Isn't it so amazing how thin the veil still is for infants?!?!? I am so grateful for the unique soul that was given to us!! Ben must be a very valiant servant of the Lord to be able to recognize our Savior!