Yesterday I was minding my own business while I was sitting in Peyton's room. Unfortunately I got roped into talking to a "Patient Care Coordinator" who wanted to talk to me about postpartum depression. Or rather tell me how its a miracle that I'm still walking. Confused? let me enlighten you! She kept talking to me about why i am at risk for PPD. Let me tell you all the reasons that I should apparently be in bed staring at the wall, crying my eyes out:
1. I had extremely early preemies
2. My babies are in the NICU
3. I was on bedrest
4. I had a c-section
5. family history of bi-polar/ depression
6. had twins
7. separated from family
8. had my babies in january (so no sun)
9. babies had to have surgery
10. the c-section that i had will prevent me from ever delivering vaginal again.
So, can you see why the "PCC" was amazed that I'm still able to function? well, let me tell you, it kinda pissed me off, if you couldn't tell already. She kept going on and on about how it was ok to cry, and especially to let out my feeling of anger, grief, fear, etc. Ok, Ok, lady, i hear what you're saying but can we please stop talking about what to do after we already decided that I don't have any of the symptoms! I mean holy freaking crap, get over it!! Not that i'm saying that anyone who does have it is crazy or weird or should be ashamed but not everyone get it, no matter how bad thing get. And things keep piling up, ok? Ben is getting sick, my mom is running ragged taking care of my kid, my husband is trying to get caught back up with his school work and I'm trying not to run myself into the ground while still taking care of my baby girls while not getting sick, and still recovering from a major c-section.
But thanks, i'm doing good. I didn't say great, but good. I've been strengthen through all of this and have not been able to do this by myself. The Lord has been a great strength to me, not to mention, the one i lean on when i feel alone. But I am not alone in this. Toby is also a great strength to me! Without him I would be lost, and I am not. he is my other half and I olove him so incredibly much! Ben is my other joy. He is such a perfect baby and I love him so much!! he was given to me at this time to help and be a source of joy. My mother is making sure that he is doing well while I am gone and Toby is in school. Its hard, but hey, we already agreed to these trials, right? I tell myself that every night and every time I start to feel sorry for myself....
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
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4 pieces of love:
You are an amazing and inspiration to me!! Really you have so much going on in your life right now and you are staying so positive!! I love you Samm and you all are in my prayers ALWAYS!! I hate when people come to you and ask you those questions like they want you to be depressed or something. I think I had like 4 different people come and ask me the 10 questions after giving birth to Keagan. And at the time their excuse was well you were on bedrest for 7 weeks and had your baby at 35 weeks and had a natural birth so you must be depressed. Yeah what a lame excuse it was for sure!! I love you and keep your head strong:)
You're doing so great Samm! Don't let anyone tell you that you should be depressed. It's ok to talk about it, but that was going a bit far. Hopefully you guys will be coming home soon! We are going to Wyoming this weekend so we will see you next week! Keep it up, you guys are doing a great job and are an inspiration!
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs from the other Dossett daughter-in-law. Everything is going to be great--and you're right, we did agree to our trials. All I need to know is, "He will never leave me alone" and it doesn't matter past that. He's making you stronger. Keep smiling in faith, keep crying out of love, and good luck with all those yucky hospitals!
I have been watching and waiting for your little family to get better. I was in the temple last Friday and just had a feeling you could use one more prayer, so I added you, Toby, Pey and Addy. We can empathize in a very real sense what you are going through. The docs didnt think Chloe would make it through her first 10 minutes of life, and it was nuts having to watch her in the NICU for a week. It is nothing compared to what you have gone through I know. But I at least had that taste and there is NOTHING fun about it! Lots of Love! The Gilberts
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