Tired Little Ladies

Since the girls are almost 2, I can't really call thim my babies anymore. We now call them little ladies. They are such little cuties.. especially when they fall asleep at the dinner table. They do things together. Can you tell?

 

Peyton

 

 Addison

 Twinners

Passed out in her green beans

one year later....

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That right, folks. Friday, it was the one year anniversary of my baby girls coming home. It was also my original due date. It was such a special day, after 4 long months of being in the hospital. They have meshed into our lives so completely that we know they were meant to be here. It hasn't always been easy, far from it, but definitely rewarding. They represent happiness, faith, hope, love, beauty and strength and so much more. They have taught not only us but those around them to never give up. Here are a few pictures of their birth, their journey and their current pictures:

 Addison, 1 day old

 Peyton, 1 day old

 compared to a ruler, 4 weeks

 compared to a newborn diaper, 4 weeks

 Peyton, b/w 2-3 months old

 Addison, deciding if its food or just a paci

 Ready to come home!

 Yipee! We're going home!!

 Snuggle bunnies

These next two picture remind me of someone who just took their glasses off. You know how some people just look a little different? Well, here they are without their oxygen and they look slightly odd to me.. lol

 not posed

 not posed again, but super cute!!

 Blessing Day, 8 months old

 Addison, Easter 2011

Peyton, Easter 2011

Hope you enjoyed the pictures. They're so adorable, right?

My Saga of Nursing

Nursing, Breastfeed, whatever you want to call it, I do it. Its the only I've ever wanted to do with my babies. I consider it a privilege to provide this for my baby. Was it easy? Pardon my french, but holy heck, NO! But it was the one thing I could do for my children that no one else on this planet could do for them. Heres how it went with Baby # 1: My beautiful blue eyed Ben!
   He latched on really well right from the start. I was probably one of the first things I did when I held him, I wanted him too learn how to do this pretty quickly. he wasn't a big eater ans one of the nurses was a little concern. I now know that right after babies are born, they are probably still full from being CONSTANTLY nourished, so they might not eat as much, at first. We did have problems with that later.. going back to the story....

   Its hurt like the dickens the first 2 weeks we nursed. I even cried for a few days every single time he latched. It was not pretty. I tried many different positions and that helped to. I probably didn't help that I got bronchitis too. I wasn't a happy camper. Anyways, I stuck it out and he turned out to be a fantastic nurser. We breastfeed until 10 months when he started going down to about 2 feedings but they were only 2 minutes long. Not ok. So, that was a positive experience, for the most part.
Now, here is the hard part of my story. My next two babies were preemies. My twins were born 4 month too early. We didn't get to hold them until they were a month old, so nursing them was out of the question. I had to pump.  Yuck. If I never have to pump again, it would be alright in my book. I pumped for 4 months, til the day they got home. Anyways, after I pumped, I nursed them. Was it easy? Heck no! it was the worst experience of my life. I started helping them latch when they were about 32 weeks. They didn't actually nurse until a few weeks later, but it wasn't easy to get them to stay on. I got very frustrated very quickly. At least their tiny little latches didn't hurt. Anyways, I talked with a nursing counselor and she suggested a shield. It did help the latch and actually get some kind of nourishment, however it was super frustrating using it. They finally got off of those about 2 months after they got home. Then I nursed the to a full year. I stopped nursing them on their birthday because they weren't nursing for very long anymore, but I was determined to do a full year.
Want to know why I nursed? Because it was the only thing that I could do for my babies that no one else could do. Having my babies in the hospital was really hard on me because I couldn't take care of them like I should of been. Dr.s and Nurses got that job, but I could nurse them. It was so important that they get the breast milk for their health. Honestly, some people don't think nursing is that great, that formula might actually be better for them. There is nothing wrong with babies drinking formula, my girls were also on that for a year, but there are certain benefits to nursing that some people don't know. Did you know that when you nurse, your baby get antibodies from you and it helps them to not get sick. or when they are sick, it helps them to get over it faster, its like medicine designed especially for them. It also has special fats to help them grow and develop their eyes and brains. These are just a few of the benefits.
Have you ever heard that nursing was the most beautiful thing and that it would bond you instantly and it wasn't going to hurt and that you baby would know how to nurse instinctively? Well, these are all lies. Well, nursing is beautiful.. when you now frustrated out of you mind and the baby cooperates. Yes, it hurt like crap, and babies certainly don't come out knowing how to nurse. The only thing they do know is how to cry, poop and pee and even those are a struggle sometimes. I heard it put this way from a friend, who heard it from her dr. "Nursing is gonna hurt. We, as people baby ourselves, unlike wild animal who let "them" drag on the ground and are already used to the abuse. Its a process. Babies have to learn how to latch properly and mothers have to suffer until their "girls" become "calloused"." Yep, that was certainly my experience. I hope this helps someone. At least it helps me get this down on "paper".

Reminiscing....

Toby and I were looking through pictures the other day, trying to pick some that would go on our wall. I was looking at the pictures from the day the girls were born and I found this one. I don't know why I don't remember seeing this picture, but this picture perfectly describes how I felt that day.

 

I'm certainly not proud of how I look in this picture, but it really captures the moment. 

I remember the days leading up to the girls' births like it was yesterday. It was probably the hardest day of my life. This picture was likely taken the night before when the Dr.s told us that the girls would probably be born within the next week. Turns out it was the next day. Here, I can tell you that I was not a happy camper.  I was put on magnesium to try and stop the labor. It wasn't a very pleasant experience because it made my whole body really really hot but I had the chills. I tried to sleep with a fan in my face but I got too cold that way, so I slept with about 3 warmed blankets but with the fan on. Oh, and my sleeping pill kicked in before I was ready to sleep so I fought it and then It kinda made me loopy. i got really uncomfortable and couldn't sleep, even though I tried. Definitely wasn't the greatest night of my life! It felt as if I would never get off of bed rest, the girls would never be grown enough to come home and that everything would be for waste. Yes, this is weary me, concerned about my girls and tired of all the medical talk.

Every time I look at the girls, I feel grateful for everything that we went through with them. They amaze me every day with their big grins and cute little cooing. They are the greatest!

Day 22 of the 30 Day Challenge

Day 22-What makes you different from everyone else


  Ummm... I live a pretty normal life. I don't see myself as different. I guess something that "sets me apart" is the fact that I had twins. You see twins more and more but its not like everyone has them! Especially because my twins were born 4 months early. That is definitely something that makes me different. Oh, and the fact that I have 3 kids and I'm still a student. Its been a trial to juggle the kids with two school schedules and such. So, thats whats up.

Day 12 of the 30 day Challenge

Day 12-How you found out about blogger and why you have one


    I don't really know HOW I found out about blogger, but I started one right after I had Ben. I wanted to document stories and milestones for family and friends without having to type everything on Facebook. I didn't do too well at documenting my babies accomplishment, though I did ok. There is the gist of what happened with each of them. With the girls, I did long posts and a few small ones, but that doesn't compare to what they went through or what I went through. I started updating more because I need somewhere to vent and keep my thought. Also, to show people how well the girls are doing. It is a miracle they are still here and it has strengthened me and my faith and my ability to take on challenges. This is why I have a blog, Also, because I want to brag about my genius children!

I'm loving this whole blogging thing now!

Yes, that's right. I'm loving this whole blogging thing. Its been a few years in the coming but I feel better when I keep it updated! I hope everyone is loving the updates!
Anyways, here is where my thoughts have been today:
- Flats v. Heels
   So, its probably a mundane subject, but for our dance performance this weekend I need flats. Its been years since I've worn flats. (ever since I was allowed to start wearing heels when I was 14, I've never looked back) Anyways, I found a pair for 3 bucks at DI (Yay! for DI), and I must admit that they're pretty cute. However, I can't seems to keep them on my feet. While dancing, its hard to turn and its almost funny because during our test, I almost lost a shoe and cracked up over it. I recovered but it was probably funny to watch, but thankfully, our teachers weren't looking at that moment! So, while I will continue to wear those cute little flats but I love my heels and will continue to wear my heels!
- My Day today:
   Today was a pretty good day. That is, if it Ben was a happy boy, and Addison didn't throw up her breakfast, and that my babies didn't poo every hour.  Other than that, I've had a good day. I've decided not to let the craziness that is close to taking me over, to not control my life and my attitude. I've spent the day procrastinating my homework by cleaning. I know, I know, its totally not something that I would do, but it needs to be done and I put on some shows to keep me motivated.
Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble on, I'm in a good mood!! Oh, and here's a picture of my beautiful girls. They love sleeping on top of each other! Cute, huh?

See, I'm not a Conspiracy Theorist!

So, a few months ago when I had the girls in for their one year appointments, my pediatrician told me that new guidelines were out about how long a child should be rear-facing. The new guideline is that children should be in a rear-facing car seat until the age of 2. They made this change because it is safer. When I asked other moms about this, no one had hear about it and probably assumed I was given false information and was a dork for listening. Well, here are two different articles from the AAP and the National Highway something or other that releases the new guidelines:

http://www.parenting.com/article/car-seats-safety?cid=enews03211

http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/ap/us_med_car_seats_children

So, now that you know, am I still the only one who thinks this is a good idea? I understand that its not the favorite thing to do because they child is at the age where they are curious about the world, but shouldn't safety take precedence here? Yes, it will be a huge pain in the butt. No one knows that better than me because I will have 2 in those rear-facing monstrosities, but you know what? I'll take the extra time, space, chaos, and frustration if I know that my babies will be safer.

Wouldn't you?

Great things come in Twos

The girls are a year old. They have been for over a month, but here is their birthday post in pictures!

 The tablecloth I made into a ladybug

  

Their birthday cake!

 

Little Pyros! lol

Playing with their birthday presents!

Addison Avery

 

Peyton Noel

So, there you have it, my beautiful 1 year old baby girls!

My kids are awesome!

I was doing so well there for a little while, posting regularly. Then, I got lazy. I know, I know, story of my life, right. So, i'm here to tell you, that i'm going to try and do better. As in, i'm going to post more often than once a month. Here is a quick update:

Ben has hit the terrible twos hard!! He's mostly a pain in the butt, with a few sweet moments thrown in. He doesn't listen, does everything that i tell him not to, and whines ALL. THE. TIME! Its drives me nuts, and I feel like a bad parents because i feel like all i do all day is yell and him and scold him. AGH! I hope this stage passes soon!!

The girls are doing amazing!! Last wednesday they had a check-up and Addison weighs 11 lbs. 6 oz. and Peyton weighs 11 lbs. 5 oz. They have gained a little over 10 lbs. since birth! how awesome is that!?!?! They are both able to roll over both ways, no problem. Peyton holds the record for sitting up: 35 seconds. (she kinda got stuck, but we TOTALLY counted it) Addie has a more reasonable record at 3 seconds. They are both smiley and happy girls as long as they have food in their tummies. They are up to 6 oz. bottles, but down to twice a day. But, they have started on rice cereal, so it make up for it.

Proud Mommy Moment: My girls, who were 4 month premature, are STILL nursing! yes, i pumped for 4 months, endured countless tears and frustration to get them to learn how to nurse! I went from pumping to nipple shields to finally getting them to nurse without any problems. They like to pull off many times while they nurse. I've learned to deal with them, and it now seems like the most natural thing. I'm so glad that they are still nursing, and actually getting nutrition out of it. They are the most amazing girls, ever!!

More to come later, I promise!

8 months old

Addison

Peyton

Sorry, there only a few pictures up here, we are trying to get some family picture taken, so those will be up soon.

September 28, 2010 marked the day that the girls turned 8 months old. This day was very special to me because they spent exactly the same amount of time in the hospital and they had at home with us. The next day, they were more mine than the nurses and drs at the hospital.
Since they've been home, they have thrived. They did extremely well in the hospital, as you know, because they had little to no complications with their prematurity. The complications that they did have we minor complications and weren't too serious, (i.e. PDA ligations, laser eye surgery, Peyton's PIE). Anyways, since they've been home, they came off the oxygen within 3 weeks. That is AMAZING!! Lots of babies who were born a couple of months after the girls had been, were still on oxygen for close to a year, if not more. So, what is the miracle here, why were my babies protected and saved? You know, I don't know, i'm not one to claim to know what they will do in life, or what other babies will do. I do know for a fact that they came at the right time, and they were spared much because they have a mission on this earth and they needed these experiences, as little as they were, to help refine their spirits.
Who knows the impact that their premature births had on any one person? I can tell you that they were some of the most prayed for babies. Friends and Family prayed, let their university classes know, and their class mates had their church congregations pray for the girls, etc,etc. Who know how far their story reached? All I know, is that Prayer works. My girls are LIVING evidence of this.

Today, they are smiley, happy, playful, loving, beautiful little girls with bright eyes and a hunger for learning that is already evident in their eyes. Both are now trying to sit up, Peyton holds the record ofr 4 second. both have started Rice Cereal, which they don't too often because I can't seem to fin the time to nurse, bottle feed AND feed them cereal. I don't know if it will get better with time, maybe they will get more over Christmas vacation. who knows?
The girls have a weird schedule. They wake up about 730 or 8 in the morning to eat, then they go back down for their morning nap that turns into a full out sleep-fest. On most occasions, they will sleep until about 2 or 3. I've tried waking them up to eat, but they won't latch to nurse and they just play with their bottle, whats a girl to do? So, i just let them sleep. Sometimes i take a nap of my own on the couch while Ben plays or watches a movie. Other times, i enjoy the time with my beautiful blue-eyed Ben.

Random thoughts

So, it was a little over a year ago when we found out that we were having twins. I was probably still in shock and a little teeny bit of denial... haha Last Conference, I was still on the drug fenergen, which was supposed to help with the extreme intense nausea that I was experiencing. While this drug was supposed to help with the nausea, it really only made me extremely tired and sleepy. It did not help with the sickness at all. I'm grateful at least that i didn't throw up too much, just whenever I ate something the girls didn't like, just like with Ben. Anyways, getting to the point, I've just been reminising about how hard that time was, and especially how grateful I was for my friends during that time.
Some days I was so sick, that I wouldn't even be able to take care of Ben. All I could do was lay on the couch trying to figure out what to eat that wouldn't make me throw up and that would actually take care of my nausea (which was nothing). Some days, my close friends would take Ben for a few hours so I could get some sleep (thanks meds) and wait for Toby to get home.
Then, when I was put on bed rest in the hospital, and Toby was still in school full-time, our best friends took Ben in pretty much full-time. We are so grateful for Katrina Johnson (and her husband, Seth, when he wasn't in school) for watching Ben when we couldn't. We are eternally grateful for their hospitality and charity to our family.
Second, we want to thank my mom for coming and giving Ben the stability he needed when our family was in crisis. It was invaluable to our family!

Thank you to everyone who prayed for our family, made meals, phoned with concern, took care of us, or gave any of your time for our family! This year has been a hard one, and probably the most rewarding.
Love, Toby, Samm, Ben, Addie, Peyton

Pictures from Dossett's Visit

For the longest time, i couldn't find the pictures that were taken from when Toby's parents came to visit. Now, i finally found them in the girl's blessing folder. I should of though to look there because it all happened the same weekend! here they are:

First full day here, we took them to the Spray Park. Ben found a "box" and decided to throw water on people. Mainly Toby.





Doesn't he have the most innocent face?







Ben warmed up to his Nana, Papa, Uncle Willy and Autie Hannah. Here he is spending some snuggle time with Aunt Hannah during a movie. I think it was Mickey Mouse Musketeers.. but I'm not sure.


Nana and Papa Dossett bought the girls their new bumbo chairs. They are holding their heads up great so we are working on helping them sit up. These chairs were even endorsed by our Occupational Therapist!
Ben was a little jealous, so he had to bring out his chair! BTW, putting his hand on their head is one of his favorite things to do!

Twin Blessings

Toby's family came mainly for the girl's blessings. They were blessed August 1st, 2010. They were 6 months old. funny, i know.
When the girls were first born, we had a hard time deciding whether or not to bless them in the hospital, or to wait. I guess I really freaked out, thinking that if we blessed them, they wouldn't have any need to stick around.. I guess I felt so cheated about other newborn baby milestones that i really wanted them to have a blessing in our ward. I wanted to have all my family there, and pretty little dresses, cute bows, and a big party afterward, and let them have one "normal" thing in their lives. We decided that if we felt they were slipping away, we would bless them in the hospital, but we never did. Thus, their twin blessing:













Toby with his beautiful baby girls!

















Family picture. Ben wanted to help bless them...













Circle: Great-Grandpa Gallegos, Grandpa Dossett, Dad, Seth Johnson, Steve Dunn
Not pictured: Marcus Crook, Bishop Sessions




Addison Avery Dossett













Peyton Noel Dossett (she doesn't actually wave yet)

ummm?

Does anybody actually read this? I"m wondering if i'm doing this just to keep my sanity some days. I'm very curious to know if anyone actually read it. If it weren't me, i proably wouldn't because i know i tend to go of on tangents and its like my mind vomits and spews things out and they aren't necessarily in the right order. Oh well, as long as i can record things and go back to read them, then its worth it. I'm not the most committed blogger, but hey, who's has all the time in the world to do it, cuz whoever does needs to share!

I guess what i'm getting at is.. i went back and read what i wrote about the girls and i started crying because it brought back all the guilty feelings I had when they were born. I'm was so mad that i couldn't keep then any longer, mad that they were struggling, mad cuz i wouldn't hold then, then felt guilty when i didn't want to get out of bed to go see them. I felt horribly guilty (and still kinda to) for leaving Peyton in Boise for so long... even if i was sick and needed to be at the hopsital every day. It was a hard situation, but i've learned so much through out all of this, that i wouldn't trade the girls for anything, i would do this all again if faced with the same thing... isn't that kinda the point of trials?

Anyways, there's your verbal vomit for the night.. if in fact you are reading this..

Everyday LIfe... at first

There are really no word to describe how happy we were to bring the girls home. Finally, they had "made it" and ecstatic didn't even begin to describe it. However, even though we were happy to have them home, it was incredibly hard. They were hooked up to oxygen 24/7 and also monitors to monitor their heart rate and oxygen saturation. They beeped all the time, sometime when their sats were low, mostly when they weren't picking up or reading correctly. I can not even describe to you how stinking annoying they got to be. Sometimes the monitors would tell us that their heart rate was in the 20's (which is VERY bad) but they were fine and pink and breathing. It was a real struggle for us to listen to them every night. It got to the point where we would turn them off, pray for prompting from the spirit to wake us if it was needed and go to sleep; it got that bad. The other think that was really hard was the we HAD to feed them every 3 hours. They needed the constant nutrition to gain weight and maintain their health. On top of that was the 6 medications a day that we had to include in their feedings. (side note: yes, i am still breastfeeding them, but they still need supplements because they get really tired when they nurse so they don't get enough and we need to top them off.) Anyways, their electrolytes were cherry flavored because they really didn't like the taste. We quickly learned that they LOVED the cherry flavor so we would make sue to give them those meds at night because they would down their bottles and we could sleep more! It was a great system.

Ben's Adjustment

Ben never had a hard time adjusting to the fact that there were 2 more babies in the family. He didn't even seen to mind that they definitely took up more of our time. Ben was always very helpful, and was always quick to tell us if the babies were crying... not that it was hard to tell. We did have to put a baby proof knob on our bedroom door because he would go in and poke them til they woke up.
The only problems that we've had with them is when we moved into our new place, Ben got into their room while Addie was sleeping in the pack n' play and he decided that she was cold, so he took all the laundry and threw it on top of her. Then for some strange reason, he decided the put some jars of peanut butter in there as well. We then put a baby proof knob on their door, but somehow he got past that one too. So, we put a lock up high on their door so he can't get in, and we know they are safe.
The only other problem that we have is that he loves them so much. He loves to try and pick them up off the couch or tries to lay next to them, then accidentally rolls on top of them. He's actually a very good big brother, and even throws their diapers away for me!! He's already tried to feed them their bottles but he can't quite get it and they get frustrated.

Cute story: He's always trying to stop them from getting sad. He always finds a Nuk and give it to them when they are crying. Sometimes, however, the absolutely will not take them and he get frustrated and throws it at them and shouts "NO, NO, Baby!" Its too adorable! He get so mad because he's trying so hard to help!

4 months later...

Ok... so I'm FINALLY getting around to updating this thing, then hopefully keeping it updated. I'll start where I left off.

After the torturous night in the hospital, we FINALLY were able to take our baby girls home! It was very very excited and SUPER stressful. We spent the morning getting ready. We made sure that they had all their appt. set and they had their discharge check-up. I got up early, not that i got ANY sleep whatsoever, but i got me and Toby some breakfast sandwiches from Subway and we got ready to get our girls home. BTW, my mom was still here and watching Ben, and getting the house ready. We spend the morning waiting around, really. I went to Rounds and got all their discharge information, and talked with Dr. Anschutz about what to expect with the girls being home, and when to call and bring them back, if necessary. It was very bittersweet, saying good to all the nurses that had become family to us the past 4 months.
We were supposed to have left by 11, but it was 12 by the time we got everything together and said our good-byes. It took us 2 trips to the car to get all the stuff that the hospital sent home with us!!!
Its took us another 2 hours to get home after we left the hospital, even though we only lived about 40 minutes from the hospital. We needed to stop by The Prescription Center to pick up their prescriptions (6 each). Then we noticed that Addison's monitor wasn't reading or picking up anything and we didn't want to chance the drive home and the time it would take for Kraig (our medical supply contact) to get to our house, so we stopped by Norco to get them to fix it. Finally, we made it home. Its was really awesome to get the car seats out of the car and carry them inside, with little ity bity babies inside. They didn't weight much, even with the carseat.. lol Ben was alseep when we got home, so we got the girl's situated and fed. When we woke up, I went upstairs to get him, and tell him that baby sisters were finally home. He wasn't sure quite what to think, but what kid would when they've been in the hospital so long and he's never got to see them. So, he walks into the living room and we point the girls out and he just goes over and looks and them and says "baby" It took him awhile to figure out there were 2 babies, but he's been in love with them ever since. The girls slept in our room until we moved and even a little after that.

This is the girl's coming home announcement that we sent out to family. Aren't they just the sweetest little things you've ever seen?

He said WHAT??

Addison

So, in my last post i said that the Dr.'s require that the girls eat all their food, and keep up their stats in order to come home. Basically, whenever the girls had an apnea or bradycardia spells (a's and b's), they earned themselves another 7 days in the NICU. However, Wednesday, May 19, I was in Rounds with Dr. Jenkins when he told me that the girls were well enough to go home. His only concern was their spells. Then he turned to me and said, "Do you want to take them home tomorrow?" I was shocked. DUH! He stated that I could wait another 7 days or i could take the girls home the next day but they would have to go home on monitors. I DON'T CARE!! I didn't even have to think about it, those girls were coming HOME!!!
It took all day to get thinks in order for them to come home. We rushed home to get the house ready, cleaned like crazy, i had to run to the store and get some velcro to finish the car seat covers, and get things packed for our overnight stay.
The hospital NICU staff likes to have the parents of the preemies stay the night in the hospital for an overnight visit to take care of their babies with nurse supervision. It helps with the transition so the parents know exactly how to take cares, figure out hiccups, and give the babies their meds. Its not a bad system. Only thing is, I'm gonna miss all the nurses. They've become great role models and friends. Many of them have had preemies themselves.

Look how cute my babies are!!

Addison

Peyton

The last few weeks that the girls were in the hospital were pure torture. The only requirements left for them to complete was to take all their feedings by bottle. First, Peyton would do AMAZINGLY well, then Addie would. They would take turns ALMOST doing 100% on their feedings, then they would have a bad day. It was really hard seeing them get so close to coming home, then squash my dreams.
Another thing was the fact that they were still having bradycardia and apnea spells. They weren't allowed to go home unless they could keep their stats up. Like i said, pure torture!