A Little Slice of Paradise

Have you thought about it?

2012-01-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

Have you read about preemie babies in the UK? Recently there was an article that called for a board to be established that would determine whether or not a preemie baby had what it takes to survive. And when I say preemie, I'm talking about babies who are born extremely early, as in before 28 weeks. One of the Drs. there said that he didn't like to even try to resuscitate before 24 weeks, but it was up to the parents.

When I read this article, and a few others like it, it broke my heart. If we lived in the UK, my daughters wouldn't of even had the chance to fight for their lives. They were born at 23 weeks and 6 days.

I am not trying to say that every preemie should be kept alive. Sometime, it prolongs the inevitable and they are only put through trials that they don't even have the will to fight. However, I do believe that every baby who has a chance to survive should be given that chance. Who are we to say that they don't deserve to fight for the chance to live, to go home with their parents who love them? Who are we to say their life isn't worth fighting for just because they were born too early?

I am one of the lucky ones. I recognize that every day. There are things only a mother of a preemie goes through. I celebrated when they doubled their birth weight and they were only 2 lbs. I did not have a normal 'preemie in the hospital' experience. This is mainly because my daughter fought the entire time and had very few complications. There are many stories I have read about people who have preemies in the hospital and there are so many more complications that could have happened with my girls but did not. We were so blessed.

My daughters were born at 1 lb. 5 oz. and 1 lb. 4 oz. I was on hospital bed rest for 9 days before they were born and during that time I was given many drugs to help the babies have a better chance once they were delivered. I was given a shot to help their lungs develop and also magnesium (which is a neurological protector, even though it was given to me to stop labor). It was these drugs that helped my babies be strong enough to survive outside the womb.

It certainly wasn't easy. They were born C-Section and even though they cried when they were born, it was still hours before I got to see them. They were intubated and there were many tubes helping to keep them alive. Those first days were really hard. They had lots of apnea and bradycardic episodes. They were both flown to a different hospital to have a PDA ligation. They were co-bedded after about a month of being in separate incubators. They had weekly eye exams and both had to have laser eye surgery because they developed ROP. There were other minor things that came up, but for the most part they did extremely well in the NICU. They struggled with gaining weight, like any normal preemie. When the time came for them to be ex-tubated, they remained on the Bubble-C pap almost immediately. They continued to come down on their oxygen to the normal C pap, the high flow, then eventually low flow and they came home on very little oxygen. Once home, they were completely off oxygen withint 3 weeks.

These are amazing feats for a micro-preemie. The mere fact that they were off their oxygen in 3 week is amazing. Many preemies born that small are on oxygen for almost a whole year at home.

But what if they weren't allowed to prove to the world what fighters they are? Just because they were born extremely early, should they not have been given the chance to live? Today, they are almost 2 years old. They have a birthday in 2 weeks and 1 day. I am so grateful they are still in my life. They have taught me so much about patience and perseverance.

My girls are 8 months old. (wearing 3 month clothes)

I understand someones reasons to not try to save their preemie's life. But I do not and will not agree to the fact that babies shouldn't be saved based on when they were born!!! There are some babies who are born on time that have more complications than my 24 week preemies did. Were their parents told that they were going to be given a chance?

What are your thoughts? Should preemies not be given a chance just because they had the misfortune of being born too early? Please tell me your thoughts!

An update of sorts

2012-01-08T20:44:00.000-08:00

Well, we've been on our own, without family here for over a week now. I'm really missing everyone and all their help with the kids! Ben especially misses his Nana and grandpa and uncles and Aunt. He keeps telling me he wants them to come over for brownies and to play with him.

Well, I'm here to check on my goals and see how I'm doing:

Goal 1: Monitor Blood Glucose
   I've been doing really well at this one. Not prefect, but pretty good!

Goal 2: Work out
   No doing great at this one, I got the stomach flu a few days ago and my stomach is extra sensitive lately. I did try out my new Zumba for wii and it was pretty fun except it didn't really register me on the remote so I have to try and fix it!

Goal 3: Read the Book of Mormon
   I actual found a chart that lists what to read if you want to the the BoM in a year. Its only a few verses - half a chapter (ish) a night, and while that might seem lame, it is actually working really well for me. It keeps me ging every night because I know I have enough time to read a little bit but not too much that I'll say I'll skip it until the next day. It is also getting me in the habit of reading every night, which is why I do it this way. Also, I chose this way because I can read word for word and ponder that few verses without having so much to think about! LOVE IT!

Goal 4: Preschool
   We've already done one at the Library and I'm getting together with another friend this week to start planning what we want to teach!

Goal: Craft Project
I know what I'm doing this month, so thats worth something, right? I'm gonna make leggings as part of the girls' birthday outfits and also making their initials on canvas with buttons. They're gonna be super cute!!

Well, thats a for tonight, I feel I'm doing pretty good on my goals, something that doesn't always happen. Thanks for all the encouragement!

New Year, New everything

2012-01-03T18:45:00.000-08:00

So, its been awhile since I posted. Well, tons has happened. Toby got into grad school, We graduated, we moved, everyone from my side of the family came for Christmas at our new place, we rang in the new year, get to go to a new ward and get used to a new state and city. Phew, that's a lot.

So, now that you're all caught up, I thought I'd write down my goals for this year, just to make myself accountable. And to make sure I have it down somewhere. I usually lose my notebooks or the kids destroy them. So, here they are:

Keep a record of my Blood Glucose Levels (4 Xs a day)
    - I haven't been keeping a record, even though I know I should be. My levels have been so good, that its just annoying. I'm actually keeping this one so far!

Workout at home 3 Xs a week and on campus 1X a week
    - Toby got me Zumba for Wii and Mom got me Just Dance 3, so I have no excuse not to work up a sweat or raise my heart rate a little. I plan on running to doing the elliptical on campus once a week.

Read the Book of Mormon
    - I printed out a pre-made chart to read the Book of Mormon this year. I've kept this one going, too.

Do home and Library preschool with Ben.
    - I'm going to teach Ben at home before he starts Kindergarten next year. We don't have money to put him in a real one, and its not even that necessary. I did find a free class at the Library for his social interaction, even if I am in the same vicinity. I'm very excited for this!

Complete 1 big craft/ home improvement project a month.
    - This month its gonna be either dresses for the girls' or leggings for their birthday party. I'm also gonna attempt pants for Ben. We'll so how that goes!

My last goal is a secret. Lol. I'm sure if you're smart enough, you'll figure it out, but you'll have to wait a long time for this one to be revealed. No, it hasn't already happened, but hopefully soon, it will.

Quilting is sew NOT fun!!

2011-11-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

So, i'm sure you've heard, but I bought these cuddle soft/ minky quilt kits to make for the girls. And i bought them last year. How sad. I literally started making them last week. You make it using the "sew and flip" method, which meant nothing to me until I saw a video of it on youtube. Anyways, I finally started and got everthing ready to sew... and nothing. I couldn't do it on my machine. It was too think. I had the backing, the batting, plus two strips trying to be sewn through. Well, I basically gave up on them and was ready to throw the whole thing away.

Then, my friend Audrey (who make/sell paci-catchers, check out her site at www.paci-catchers.com No, I was not told or paid to say that), anyways, she's amazing! She told me to bring over my machine and we'd figure it out together. Well, long story short, it didn't work on my machine. Something about not having a walking foot that make it easier to quilt. So, I used her machine. It went so smoothly that I finished a half of one quilt in one afternoon! Plus it will take me even less time on the rest because I actually know what I'm doing and can get started right away!

these are gonna look so good, here are the pictures of the first quilt, half way finished!

finished side plus a little of the backing

Its sewn through both sides

You can see the lines where I sewed through!

Isn't this just the cutest fabric ever? The other one is just as cute!!

Thankful catch-Up Post

2011-11-14T09:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I promise to be better about this!!

Day 14: Today I'm thankful for a good friend who had graciously offered to show me how to use my sewing machine to sew the girls' cuddle soft blankets!

Day 13: These past few days 5 friends have told me that they are pregnant! I'm very happy for all of them and grateful for all the little babies that will be born next year! I love babies!

Day 12: I'm grateful for the sound of my children's laughter! They have their moments, but most of the time they love playing the teasing each other!

Day 11: I am so very thankful that I opened my inbox today and received an email saying that our application to our top choice of apartments was available again!! Their other applicants fell through and it was ours! Its a awesome furnished, 4 bedroom place that is close to campus! So very thankful!

Day 10: I'm thankful for my little brother, Dave who asked me to take pictures of him in his cadet uniform! They turned out so great, and it was a real confidence booster! (check out my post below this one, there is something for you to do, if you want!)

Day 9: I'm thankful for food today! I love love love food, and being a diabetic its sometimes hard to stop eating when things taste so good, but you know they will raise your blood sugars too high. I'm learning self control. Anyways, food rocks!

Photography

2011-11-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

I've been playing around on photoshop lately and sprucing up a few pictures of the kids. I've download some actions from a few blogs (such as http://www.thecoffeeshopblog.com/ ) They have tutorials and teach you how to do certain things to your photos. Its really cool. I have to admit, I'm addicted to Pinterest, and it was from there that I found the tutorial sites that have really helped me with photoshop. I've been recommended by a friend to do the New York Institute of Photography correspondence course. I will be starting that as soon as Toby does his internship (and we actually have money). Until then, I do some shoots for friends, some for family and others just for fun. Most pictures are of my kids. I do have a photography blog, but have never given out the address.

I've been thinking about starting a facebook page, but I don't know if I'm confidence enough to do that. I've been thinking of the name callmeSamm photography. It really is my favorite. Its already my email, and it works really well, because my maiden name is call, plus you can call me Samm, or call me, Samm. hehe, I love it. anybody agree.
Also, if I get 10 people to comment on here and tell me I should start a FB page for my photography, then I will. If not, I guess I'm not popular enough to even warrant likes. So there you have it, your first challenge. (or mine). Here are some pictures I just finished:

Like 'em?

Happy Veteran's Day!

2011-11-13T18:59:00.000-08:00

So, its a little late but my pictures kept taking forever to load and slowing the internet, so now here it is:

I come from a big military family. My Dad served, a couple of Uncle's served, my grandpa serve, my older brother enlisted, and my little brother is in the ROTC program. Also, my father-in-law served. I grew up military. Its almost all I know.
I've heard a lot of stories about different wars and different experiences. I am grateful and proud for everyone who has served and especially those who have died while serving. A great friend of mine was KIA last February. It was a really hard thing to deal with. I am grateful for his service and sacrifice.

Just yesterday I got the privilege of taking some picture for my little brother who just got his uniform for the ROTC program. Doesn't he look dashing?

Thank you to all who served, are serving or will serve. You have my deepest respects!

Its only a few days late....

2011-11-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

I decided that I wanted to to the 'month of thanks' doo-hickey-thingy. I'm only a few days into the month, so I'll back track from today.

Day 8 - Today I'm Thankful for waterproof mascara. I have over active tear duct so every yawn, every breeze, every little thing makes my eyes water. Today it was so stinking cold up here and chilly that I was practically crying on my way to class. I never wear eyeliner in the winter because it WILL run. But my eyes still look pretty good with my mascara. its amazing!!

Day 7 - I'm grateful for Toby today. He came home after class so we could get out housing applicaiton sent off, then decided to stay and help me with the house and kids before going back to work on campus after the kids were asleep. He is such an amazing guy, I'm so glad he takes the time to be with us. Also, he brought the family together for FHE, which we do on rare occasion. I love this guy!

Day 6 - I'm thankful today for the nursery leaders and primary leaders to take care of my kids. They say my kids are good, but I know better, haha. No really, its so nice to have the kids in nursery!

Day 5 - My thankful shout out goes out to my Uncle Rob and his wife, Bonnie. They let me and the kids stay with them friday and saturday while I apartment hunt. They were always helpful with the kids and I even got my own room away from the kids! They even let me use their GPS to visit my sister-in-law! Amazing family I got here!

Day 4 - I'm grateful for the fact that I left one of my credit cards out of my wallet. I just so happened to leave my wallet at a Rite Aid off the interstate on my way down to Utah to look for apartments. If I didn't have this one card that I accidentally forgot to put back then i would be in major trouble. My car tank was on empty and I didn't have anything to pay for the gas! My friend Hannah offered to fill me up, but luckily she didn't have to waste her money one me! (Yes, I did get my wallet back, on the drive back up to Idaho).

Day 3 - I'm thankful I didn't really have class today. It nice when you have practically a week until your next class. And that its 2nd half of Book of Mormon. And that its your only class. And that its the last class you need for graduation!

Day 2 - I'm grateful today for Netflix. Its so easy to watch shows while I clean. Thats my new rule, that I have to be cleaning while I watch. Or I just sit on the couch all day.

Day 1 - I'm very thankful that my kids are so cute that they get tons of candy on Halloween. Its nice when they share with mommy. Its even better if they never find out they shared!

SuperHeroes are super fun!

2011-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

Ben is obsessed with superheroes lately! he was Spider-Man for Halloween and he got a sticker book from the store for being good. He's been asking all about the Hulk lately and Toby taught him how to hulk, SMASH! We even showed him a clip from the movie. Here is Ben doing the smash, the the whole family doing it, even the girls.. even though their smashes might just be a little soft.. hehehe

Autumn Fun

2011-11-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since I updated, but life has been super crazy.
1. We've been anxious about being accepted into Graduate school, and about getting close to graduation!
2. WE'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!! (Its true that after the trials come the blessings).
3. We've moving to Utah.
4. We found a place that we like, and we're waiting to hear if we got it or not.

We went to the Straw Maze for FHE a little while ago. The kids loved it so much. We had to carry the girls for the most part because they were so slow and wanted to just stop and play in the straw. Even when we carried them, they would try and reach for the straw anyways. Ben loved running around but I was always scared we'd lose him, so I tried to keep a close eye on him, which wasn't easy. Anyways, here are some pictures of the cutesy kiddies!

Did you guess right as to which girl was which? Addie is in the blue peacoat and Peyton is in the red one. Aren't they just so adorable in those coats?!?! When we go out, the love to carry their shoes and coats to me to put on for them! Such girly girls!

Things to do before we move!

2011-10-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

We had a small (ish) list of things we wanted to do before we moved out of this area. One of those things was going to visit Yellow Stone National Park to see Old Faithful. So, we loaded up our car with babies and food and lots of warm coats. It wasn't too bad driving out there because the girls slept for the most part. It was actually kinda fun and very beautiful driving out. We got to Old Faithful and had to wait for over an hour before it was expected to go off again. We walked around the gift shop and bought our traditional magnet (we buy a magnet for every place we visit). We then walked over to where Old faithful was and ate our picnic lunch.

I do have to say that I've never seen/ heard so many foreigners in one spot (other than overseas, of course). I rarely heard conversations in English! It was so nice and cool to hear German, Chinese, Swedish, and a few others, but it was so awesome!

Then we FINALLY got to see Old Faithful erupt. It was so pretty! And then we realized that thw wind was blowing directly at us and all the mist and water spray covered us and our view of the geyser. Oh well, we got to see it for a few seconds. All the people around us scattered but Ben thought it was the coolest part of the whole day.

On our drive back from Old Faithful, we stopped by the Paint Pots. Its bubbly, boiling mud with beautiful blue pond of boiling water.. aren't they pretty?

Here is our family standing in front of Old Faithful. Thank you random stranger for taking the picture for us!!

Of course, you can't drive through Yellow Stone without seeing some wildlife. We saw some elk, a bison, and a whole herd of bison.

Plus, some cute shots of the kiddos!!

Peyton

Addison

Ben

Adorable Addison

2011-10-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

She climbed up there all by herself, yet she's terrified to climb down. Its just too cute!

Trial, trial, and oh, gues what? MORE TRIALS!

2011-09-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Its pouring so hard here, we might as well be in a hurricane. Category 5. (Excuse my analogy if you've never been through a hurricane.)

Not many people knew, but when we found out about the diabetes it was because it was my first doctors appointment for my 3rd pregnancy. :) It was a huge surprise, the diabetes that is. We had been trying to get pregnant, so it was so much fun, finally being pregnant.

However, things rarely turn out as we want them. Yesterday I miscarried. I started bleeding the previous night and I must say I wasn't really surprised. I guess it was just a gut feeling that I'd had. I later learned that Toby had had the same initial feeling. We opted to do a d&c just to get things over with, but that meant day surgery and not eating for 8 hours, which as you can imagine for a diabetic is next to impossible. SO i had to go in about 4 hours before I needed to just so they could hook me up to an IV and monitor my blood sugars that way. Not so much fun. Anyways, the surgery went well and I'm doing great physically.

Like I said before, we're really not very surprised that I miscarried. I guess I'd been prepared like I was when the girls came early, but I just didn't want to admit it. There were a few signs I was ignoring, like the fact that my hair was still falling out.. A LOT, and with the past pregnancies, it never did.

Anyways, I guess the point of this post was to let everyone know that we're doing ok. Not so much today, because I totally broke down today. Not because of the baby, really, just a combination of everything that has been going on. Its been really hard lately with my health problems and dealing with so many huge changes in our lives. I'm just waiting for the blessings to come, the sliver linings to appear, and the sun to start shining because I'm almost gone. I'm reaching the end of my rope. God carry me, because I'm not sure how much further I can go.

Whew

2011-09-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

yeah, its been a few weeks. Its been kinda hard adjusting to my new diet and things. When I was diagnosed, my sugars were really high, and now that I'm on insulin, I'm having troubles keeping them up. Its hard for em to eat enough and keep my levels good. I end up eating a bit of sugar to get them to get up to where I want them to be, but thats still not good because I'm gonna start gaining weight. At least I'm being responsible about it.. sort of.

On to other things...

Its getting colder here.. I've already brought out my Autumn decor. I didn't post it last year, but I made A-U-T-U-M-N blocks. I'll have to put a picture up of them on here for you to see. I'm really proud of them! I a sucker for decorations that go with holidays!!

We've been thinking about moving in the past couple of days. Why, you ask? Because (long story short) the gas Co. found that CO2 was leaking into our house because the water heater wasn't venting properly. Great. And its back my the kids' rooms. Luckily we usually keep the door to that bathroom shut, which is where is was leaking in. It wasn't super bad.. yet.... but the Landlord is fixing it today. Or else he better, because my greasy hair is going to frighten anyone else off!! yuck.

More other news: Addison is walking about 98% of the time, when she isn't lazy and wants to get somewhere super fast.. she'll crawl. Peyon is walking about 2% of the time. She just hasn't found the need to get anywhere that isn't faster by crawling, but she is starting to walk a little. We're so proud of here. She also cut her 4th tooth. Now both have 4 teeth, except Addison's are top and bottom front teeth but Peyton had her two bottom front, one top front and a top canine. Kinda funny.

Ben is obsessed lately with Mario Kart Wii. He's actually doing pretty good at it. He's coming in 1st on some races. I'm so proud.

In other news: My little brother is up here for the semester, going to school. Its been super nice having him around to hang out with. Ben is in heaven and even the girls have warmed up to him.

The Diagnosis

2011-08-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

So, we found out why I haven't been feeling good these past few months. It all started back in April/May when I had a few episodes of low blood sugar. Then it started getting worse. Remember about my eyes, when I had that bad driving episode? Well that got better, but my health didn't.

Lately, its gotten worse, and the past few weeks I've felt so awful that I hated getting out of bed or doing any kind of activity. I was drinking like crazy yet thirsty all the time. Anyways, we finally went into the Dr. and talk to him about my symptoms and they drew blood.

All the crap I've been feeling is because I have diabetes. I am a diabetic. It sucks. I hate it. I'm such a sugar-aholic. Yes, thats what I am. What I was. not anymore. apparently.

My blood sugar was so high. Almost 400, where as a normal person's is less than 100. (I tested Toby's and it was 68.. stinker).

SO I spent the day being educated on diabetes and not really learning anything other than checking my blood sugar and giving myself insulin. Yep, I give myself shots of insulin.

We talked to a specialist that my Dr. referred me too and he talked with me about how my life will be like from now on. He said I'm not Type 1 but I'm not type 2 either. I'm sort of in between. I have markers from both, but I'm not as dependent on insulin as type 1, but I'll probably never be fully able to control it without it.

I'm seeing a counselor and dietician tomorrow and hopefully they will help me figure out what to eat. The internet is full of contradictions and I'm not sure what to think. I know basics, but I seem to be spiking my blood sugar every meal. It'll be nice to know exactly whats going on with my body.

On another note, Ben is learning a whole new vocabulary. He is constantly asking me if I need to test my blood sugar. its quite funny. He mentions all the time that he doesn't want to check HIS blood sugar, just mine. funny funny.

Life will never be the same again. Maybe its for the best. Maybe not. Probably Not. Definitely Not.

Don't read this...you'll thank me later

2011-08-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, you'll thanks me for not posting pictures with this post. Today was a bad day. As in, terrible , horrible, no good, very bad day. Wanna know why? I know you're dying to know!

Well, my morning started at about 230a wen I awoke to the sound of Ben crying in my ear. I couldn't make out what he was saying until hi walked out into the living room and I hear him puke everywhere. That certain woke me up. Its a weird sound only because he's never thrown up before. Poor boy didn't know what happened, just that his tummy hurt pretty bad. Poor baby. I walked him into the bathroom and told Toby to keep an eye on him in case he needed to throw up again, while I cleaned up the mess in the living room. Lucky me, we're out of carpet cleaner, so I do my best, then spray sanitizer on it, which did not kill the smell enough for my taste.

Something I forget to mention is that Toby has a very sensitive gag reflex. He can't go anywhere near it, or Ben because he smelled. ( I remember that he used to hide whenever I got sick when I was pregnant because he can't hear someone throw up either). Anyways, I cleaned up the floor and the boy then put him back to bed with instructions to get to a bathroom if he needed to throw up again. He did; while trying to get to OUR bathroom. In the living room again. guess who cleaned that up, too? And Ben. Again.

I then put Ben back to bed in our room, but he didn't like that. So I moved him to the couch. No ok.. so he went back to his room. No further problems arose, other then him crying wolf once. ugh.

Oh, you thought my day was over? Nope not even close.

The girls slept ina little bit this morning so when I went to get them, they were covered in puke. I don't know which one did it or if it was both, but they were both covered in it, dried in their hair, oh and they had blow out poop diapers. great. Bath time for both babies who had to be scrubbed down and I had to pick dried chunks out of their hair. Not a great day for me.

The rest of the day I felt like I smelt puke everywhere, even after I shampooed the carpet and cleaned their bed. What a treat that after nap time, they have thrown up again. Luckily it was only on their clothes and legs and didn't require a full body cleaning.

After all the puke and poo I was feeling pretty queasy the rest of the day. Excess body fluid smells will do that to you. Toby felt so bad that I cleaned up everything that he is cleaning the rest of the house for me. If I had the choice, I would definitely pick cleaning the rest of the house.

But this work too. By the way, did you get to the end? i told you not to read!! I just had to record this for later when I feel bad and need to know that life can't get worse.. lol

Tired Little Ladies

2011-08-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

Since the girls are almost 2, I can't really call thim my babies anymore. We now call them little ladies. They are such little cuties.. especially when they fall asleep at the dinner table. They do things together. Can you tell?

Peyton

Addison

Twinners

Passed out in her green beans

Homemade Diaperbag

2011-08-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read right. I made my own diaper bag. I have a diaper bag already but it broke and now its sitting outside in the rain and heat and everything. Whatever. Anyways, I've been trying to find a diaper bag online that I like that was quality and less expensive. No so easy to find. I might end up buying a new one anyways, but for now, i love this one!!

I started with this side.. I cut out all those squares then sewed them together.

I was going to do the other side like the reverse side, but it took too much time.. and effort.

The two sides are the same green and brown
You can also see the top "hem" that I did to cover up the craziness and make it uniform

The inside is all one fabric, brown with blue flowers and green stems, it all matches

Here is the backside again

The straps were both supposed to be the blue and brown but I ran out of fabric,

but I kinda like it this way

Oh, and this is the wipes case I covered. (inspiration from makeit-loveit.com)

I know there are flaws in it, sewing mistakes and a few rips. I wish I did the top "hemming" better, but oh well. Its really nice and I love it.

A few weeks with my momma

2011-07-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, my momma came to visit me. Its a long way since she lives in VA. I took the kids down to SLC to pick her up. Unfortunately, our A/C went out and its super hot here. The kids were not impressed. It was hotter in my car than it was outside. Yuck.

I stayed with a good friend overnight since my mom's flight got in around midnight. Silly girl got her am/pm mixed up. Can't say that I blame her, I get confused some times with it, too. Anyways, the next day we had a luncheon with a few friends that we knew in VA. We made chicken salad croissants and had fruit salad and punch and pasta salad. It was al so yummy.

One funny thing we noticed was that with all the kids and everyone that there were two people there named Sam, two named Noah, two named Wyatt, and also two sets of twins (mine and Lisa's). Super funny.

The next day we drove back to ID and back to my place. Having my momma here was so nice. (Now that its over, I can say this next part without being scared who sees it...) My husband was gone for 6 weeks for a class where he was camping during the week and home on the weekends. Pure torture for me because I was NOT feeling good at all and taking care of 3 kiddos by myself was really hard. Having my mom here for a last bit helped so much. She was there to play with the kids, wash some dishes, and mostly be there for me to talk to. Its hard being by yourself all week with no grown-up talk.

The second week she was here, we took a trip to visit my grandparents. My grandma had fallen a few weeks before and her physical therapy was making her pain worse. We stayed with my Uncle Allen and mom got things done for her momma. They also hadn't seen the girls since they were about a week old, so it was nice for them to see the girls and Ben again. It was hot and the kids were cranky, but it was good seeing them all again. We got my grandma into a rehab facility, thankful, and they can manage her pain and get her the help she needs.

When we came back, we spent out time hanging out, going to the park, and the Splash park, even the new water park. Its was so much fun having her here.

She was here for Ben's 3rd Birthday and helped me get everything together for it. She and my dad got him skated and a helmet plus safety pads. Also a Spider-man outfit. He loved all of it.

Thanks mom, for coming and spending time with me, even though it was probably mostly to see her grand babies because she misses them.

Goals, schmoles

2011-07-28T20:53:00.000-07:00

This year we set come pretty intense goals for the year. We wanted our house to be a House of Order, and a House of God. If you know me, you know that I'm not necessarily a tidy person. It can get out of comtrol pretty easily, I'm sad to say. Its getting better all the time, which is good.

Another goal was to have FHE every monday, scriptures and prayer as a family every night. We decided the other day that this goal is pretty much taken care of. We incorporated into out bedtime routine for the kids. Its works out great. We read about 5 verses a night, sometime more, or less depending on when the chapter ends. We are already in 2nd Nephi. I'm so proud, it really is a big accomplishment for our family.

We started new goals to work on, and they include: personal scripture study before bed, couple's prayer, individual prayer. 3 days in and we're doing good. I feel lots closer to Toby, spiritually, then we have. It has brought us closer together.

One thing I have noticed is my attitude towards... well, everything. I am much more in control of my mood and much less likely to explode at my kids. I am doing much better and keeping a tidy house, or rather, having the motivation to do so. Its really nice. Its amazing what reading the scriptures can do for your life. I highly recommend it.

We are much closer as a family and we are getting goal set, done and checked off our list. Its only took us half a year, right? But at least its getting done. I love my family and I'm starting to love myself. What more could I ask for?

Can You Canoe?

2011-07-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

Can-oe canoe? get it, like can you, can-oe? lol I know, I know, I'm funny. We went with some friends to Shoestring Lake in Wyoming. It was so much fun! Well, not at first, the kids were awful the first part. The girls hated and i mean HATED their life jackets. Too bad, huh? Here are some pictures from our awesome, awesome day!!

I'm a big girl now!

2011-07-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

The girls have officially outgrown their footie jammies. I would buy them bigger ones, but I can't find the thinner fabric ones anywhere. Its hot here and we don't have A/C so I turn a fan on in their room, but in the middle of the night they get cold, so we bought them two piece 12 month jammies. I almost cried when I say them in the jammies, because they look so big. I can't believe that they're almost 18 months!

Aren't they adorable?

See what happens when....

2011-07-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

Nana give the girls each an Oreo...

Things get messy. . .

Things get ugly. . .

Addie is excited. . .

the floor looks like a muddy dog walked through it. . .

Peytie is content. . .

Ben is sad that Nana gave the girls the last of the cookies. . .

Yes, this is what happens when Nana give the girls each an oreo.

fun in the hot, hot sun

2011-07-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh me, oh my. Oh me, Oh my. Here are the kids at the local Spray Park. Its small, its wet, and best of all, its free. I love taking the kids here. They have tons of fun... here's some proof!

^Addie

^ Peytie

Addie

Addie is sitting and Peyton is taking off!!

Sitting on the sidelines to dry off

Oh yeah, and Ben was running around the whole time!

Cute little Adder Cakes

Sweet little Peytie Bean

Cute little Landon and his Momma

P.S. I'm pretty proud of these photos!

Happy Birthday, Spiderman!

2011-07-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Ben is 3, officially. He had his birthday party on Saturday, the 9th and turned 3 on the 10th. I'm so proud of my little boy. He is super smart, talks really really well, is well behaved (for the most part), and loves to help and play with his little sisters. He is currently obsessed, and I do mean in the strictest definition, obsessed!! he watched the cartoons on netflix and all he talks about is spider-man. obviously for that reason, we had a Spectacular Spider-man party. Here are the decorations and friends that came:

The Pinata. Its red with a spiderweb on it.

His birthday cupcake with 3 candles!

Ben's birthday cake, on his birthday!!

Hyrum

Hawkins Family: Jared, Jen, Kyler, Lyndee, Ashlyn

Emma, Ashlyn, Jared

Addie and Peyton playing with their ladybug

Jen reading to Addie

Happy Birthday, Ben!!!

they are so good to me...

2011-07-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

Here is our most recent (as in today) family pictures! I love my family!!

possible models, eh?

2011-07-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Its been so hot here, and with no AC, we spent a bit of our evening outside in the shaded side of the house. We found our first strawberry of the season, which Addison promptly took a bite our of, claiming it as her own. (video to follow!) The kids we so cute, I took some pictures, then we took a few family ones. Here are the best pictures of each of the kids:

Ben

Addie

Peytie

Here is the video of Addison eating the strawberry, it;s pretty funny!

Time after Time

2011-06-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

So, its been a few weeks since I posted, mainly because things have been really hard for me. I've been very sick and not so sick.. its kinda of hard to explain, mostly because we have no idea what is wrong.
Anyways, it's been a crazy couple of week, so here is a little taste of the craziness and sweetness of our little kiddos.

Ben: its hard to tell whether its cold or not, right? haha

Addison, ready for church

Peyton, making darn sure that those cheerios make it into the diaper bag for church!

all tuckered out

His "wedding dress" (we've been watching a lot of 'Say Yes to the Dress', can you tell?)

Falling over from the dress

This is the face he makes when he know he's in trouble or he's embarrassed, its the later here!

Sometime he puts on his pants... backwards

See? the pockets are in front.. hahaha

Well, there's not much more to update. Its been lonely around here, but my mom is coming in a few weeks to hang out with us!! Here is what we have coming up:

1. Visting Toby this week

2. 4th of July BBQ

3. Utah to pick up my momma, staying a few days to hang out!

4. Ward Campout

5. Visiting my granparents

6. END OF SUMMER SCHOOL!! YES!! we're so excited for this one!

I hope everyone is having a good summer, we sure are!!

a tug on my heart

2011-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

As you've probably surmised.. life has been pretty hard for me lately. I've been complaining and whining and just being all around grumpy. No more.

I was at the grocery store the other day with my 3 adorable kids. I had one of those carts that seats twins and has the cute car on the front. (Yes, those carts were made for people like me!!) Anyways, I always get people staring at the girls and commenting on how adorable they are, or how busy I must be.

Then, when we are checking out, the bagger asks questions brought on by the fact that they are so tiny for their age. She asked a question, that honestly, no one else has asked me. She asked if I had to be on bed rest. Yes and No was my answer. I tell her that I was on bedrest at 5 month but they were born about a week later. Her comment changed by perspective on my recent trials:

"You're just lucky to have them."

Yes, just like a warm hug, those words spoke to me. I, we, are lucky to have them. All the trials and hardships they went through, and we are still lucky to have them.

What we went through with them, what they went through was worse, was harder than anything I could be going through now.

I am so grateful for the swift kick in the backside to show me where my mind should be. I shouldn't be complaining, I should be grateful for everything that I do have.

I have a wonderful, amazing, gorgeous husband who loves me like nothing else. I have 3 of the most beautiful children ever. I was born into the best family, and married into another incredible family. Lastly, but most importantly I have the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

With all these thing, who has time to feel sorry for themselves? Not me.

last one, then some uppers

2011-06-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

So I promise that this will be my last "complaining" blog, then I'll post some awesome pictures of my little chickadees!

So, these past few weeks have been really hard on me. I haven't been feel well at all, but I've had to keep going with on down time, as most mothers know. I'm completely stumped as to what it could be. I know I'm not pregnant, yet I've only felt this way 2 times before. It feel like it could be the flu, but to have these symptoms for 3 weeks straight and only have them intensify? I feel nauseous, weak, light headed, starving, yet I'm not hungry to eat. Its weird. And it been coupled with another unexpected plight: my eyesight!

I've had perfet vision my whole life, yet just recently and abruptly, my eyesight worsened so much that I had trouble seeing anything thats more than 5 feet in front of me. I mean I can see, but its blurry and I can't read words. Until Satruday night it didn't really affect my driving. But man, it got so badm it scared the crap out of me.

I accidentally reserved a redbox in a town 15 minutes away, so I had to run down there and it had just turned dark. I didn't think anything of it until I got onto the highway and all the lights because little fuzzy blobs. Still, It wasn't bad, I could see the lines and move appropriately. Then, I hit construction. My side of the highway had to merge onto the other side, and all of a sudden, these lights coming the other way were in my eyes and I couldn't make out my lines and barely make out the cones telling me where to go. It started to scary me bad, but i couldn't stop because I didn't have anywhere to go. It was one lane traffic both ways, so just one little come kept me from going into the other lane. I tried to keep an eye on the cones, but the light coming at me made them all blur together. I kept fearing the end of the construction because I was sure I would miss the turn back into my side of the highway and collide head on with the other lane. Thankfully, no cars were approaching when that time came, so I could barely make it out, but I did. I was so scared and my fingers were white because I was gripping the wheel so hard. I wouldn't let myself cry because that would just make everything worse. So, i pick up my movies, hoping that somehow I would be able to make it home safely. As soon as I turned out of the parking lot, another truck, pulling a horse trailer pulled out, too. I was able to follow this trailer, literally the whole way home, right up to my exit. It was amazing, it lead me home. I put the car in park and literally broke down. It was so hard just to go get these movies and I was so scared! I love driving and this was so hard to do. I've never had problems like this before.
So, even though we have no insurance, we're going to get my eyes checked because this is just dangerous. I literally can't see signs where we are coming up on them, only when we are practically past them. I can't even read the blub about my netflix show unless I'm practically 3 feet away.

And it no just slightly blurry, its bad blurry. I can sit in the third row at church and not see the hymn numbers at all. I can't even tell how many numbers are there if they're close together.

So, that's my emotional vomit for the weekend. Life stinks sometime, but I know we'll get through this, somewhat intact, I would assume. Better me that my kids, because I hate listening to crying, lol.

Here's to another week in a not-so-exciting paradise

a very emotional few weeks

2011-06-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, that right. Its been an emotional few weeks. Wanna hear about it? Well, keep reading.

So, a few weeks ago, after Toby cam home from a field trip/ conference, he brought home a bug or sorts. He was sick and the kids were just getting over sick and it turns out it was my turn to get sick. I got a wickedly bad ear infection that kept me up a few nights in a row in terrible pain.

Then, a funny thing happened. I started getting nauseous. Sometime it was 'i'm gonna throw up' nauseous, other times it was just annoying, smoldering nausea. Sound familiar? Well, it did to me too.

I felt this nausea for a few weeks, and that was part of the reason that we thought I was pregnant. My babies are only 16 month old and it was a very stressful pregnancy, c-section, recovery, etc. Imagine how hard this pregnancy would be for me. This is one of the main reasons that we are not trying to get pregnant right now.

However, it has not stopped me from wanting another baby. Its been hard to tell myself that its not good for me right now and that i could be potentially fatal for me or the baby or both.

Then, when we were almost sure we were pregnant, we talked through everything that we needed to, just in case. We talked about how we would go about moving, beggin a new car, where to put the baby, if it would be a boy or girls, etc.

Imagine my dismay when, after 2 weeks, we found we were not pregnant. It was a very hard thing for me to process because we had everything planned out. It was going to work, I was going to be fine and we'd have another little baby. It was going to be a little boy that Ben could play and wrestle with, of course. Everything had already played out in my mind and I could almost smell the sweet little newborn that I would get to take home after a few days. heartbreaking.

I know we will have more children. Some think we are irresponsible for wanting more after what happened with the girls, but we know that we will have more. Maybe soon, maybe not. Who knows? certain not me. I'm not getting my hopes up anymore because it hurts too much when your dreams are snatched out of your hands.

I'm not upset anymore, just a little sad. All will be well.

I feel like I just gave birth

2011-06-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

No, you did not read that wrong. I just finished writing the first draft of my final paper. Yes, my 10 page long paper. I finished with 3,022 words! Edits and stuff with either add or cut material but its D-O-N-E!!! Its taken a lot out of me and I wrote the thing eith pretty much the worst ear infection imaginable! But tonight as I finished it, I didn't have a dingle problem with it! I feel great, well like I just finished giving birth and I can now revel in the fact that its over. IT'S OVER!!! I'm still not up to par with posting about the adventures of the past week, but trust me, after this class is done and the paper is turned in, i'll be back.

Ok, I lied. I have to tell you something: TOBY TOOK THE GRE! Its the grad school aptitude test! He did really well and I'm so proud of him! Now we get to start applying to grad schools. Here is our list of top 4 in no particular order:
VTech
BYU
Montana Tech
Baylor

There you have it. We are moving on with life. It will be so excited to see how our family adjusts to living outside the Rexburg bubble!

excuses, excuses

2011-05-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

I know, its been a little while since my last posting and I promise, dear blog, that I did not forget about you. In fact, I have lots to say.

But for right now, all my words are going into this monster of a paper I am writing for my English class. It is a 10 page, 3000 word essay. I'm writing on Film v. Digital Photography.

This class ends on Friday and I will be so glad to be done with it, it was a killer class. It does however take me one step closer to my associate degree.

I have 3 more classes to finish, one that I am currently taking that doesn't end until the end of July, and then 2 more classes this Fall. Then I will be DONE! I can't wait.

Unfortunately, you will have to wait until Friday. HA!

sweet little 'nuthins

2011-05-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ben is such a cute little kid. He's says the funniest things sometimes. I hope you can all appreciates these, too...

"Mommy, I love you hugs"
"Mommy, you don't tell me" (umm.. yes I DO!) lol
(as he runs down the hall to the "bafroom": "No, No, (insert accurate name for male genitalia) we only go on da potty!!!"
"I gonna do something to you!"
"I'm a ghost!"
"you put on my wedding dress!" (after watching WAY too much 'Say Yes to the Dress' with me!)
"I'm gonna just on you"
" behold, Behold, BEHOLD" (he's version of reading the scriptures, at least we know he's listening.. sorta)
"It's Sunday?" (when I tell him he can't watch a show)
Mommy, you GO to class"
"Mommy, I love you. No, I love you MORE!"
"We keep sisters?" " I wanna keep them!"

I'll put more up as I remember them or he says them. Hope you enjoyed these little Ben-isms.

one year later....

2011-05-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

That right, folks. Friday, it was the one year anniversary of my baby girls coming home. It was also my original due date. It was such a special day, after 4 long months of being in the hospital. They have meshed into our lives so completely that we know they were meant to be here. It hasn't always been easy, far from it, but definitely rewarding. They represent happiness, faith, hope, love, beauty and strength and so much more. They have taught not only us but those around them to never give up. Here are a few pictures of their birth, their journey and their current pictures:

Addison, 1 day old

Peyton, 1 day old

compared to a ruler, 4 weeks

compared to a newborn diaper, 4 weeks

Peyton, b/w 2-3 months old

Addison, deciding if its food or just a paci

Ready to come home!

Yipee! We're going home!!

Snuggle bunnies

These next two picture remind me of someone who just took their glasses off. You know how some people just look a little different? Well, here they are without their oxygen and they look slightly odd to me.. lol

not posed

not posed again, but super cute!!

Blessing Day, 8 months old

Addison, Easter 2011

Peyton, Easter 2011

Hope you enjoyed the pictures. They're so adorable, right?

The pickiest of the picky

2011-05-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Now, like I said, I'm not usually a big worrier, but lately, Ben is worrying me. We let him get weighed at each of the girl's appointments so he doesn't feel left out and he has sat at 30 lbs. give or take 1 lb. for over 6 months. It wouldn't really concern me except for the fact that I just learned his BMI went down not huge, but a significant amount. Not a good sign. He's not eating as much and he is super picky about what he does eat. I pour him cereal in the morning which he take 2 bites of them he's done. Lunch and dinner are the same. I talked with someone at WIC about it and this is what she said:

No snacks. Give a big meal and if he doesn't eat then he has to wait. It's to train him to eat all his food.
Don't force him to sit there until he is done. It creates control issues.
Don't bribe.
Pour calories into what he will eat. Whole milk and other food that are high in calories to make up for the fact that he doesn't eat much.

Now, I understand that it is normal to go through stages of not wanting to eat, but not gaining anything in 6 months, is a little ridiculous. Am I crazy for worrying that he won't eat?

"that kind of mom"

2011-05-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big worrier. I'm the type of mom that would pop that nuk back in my baby's mouth even if it fell of the grass/ sidewalk, etc. (just an example.) However, with the girl's I becamse that ind of mom. The one that worried constantly if another kid nearby had a runny nose. I kept my girls home for a whiles in quarantine, but even them I took them out before their time was up. The only thing I am strict about is their lungs. Absolutely no one around them that has RSV or other such big illnesses, and absolutely never around anyone who smokes.

Now that my girls are bigger, I worry less about them, unless it comes to their lungs. They had Chronic Lung Disease for so long that they have a slightly diminished lung capacity. Its getting better, but they did qualify for synagis, a vaccine for RSV. Its very expensive and only a few babies even qualify to get it.

This week all my babies have croup. It worried me enough that I got a steroid from the Dr. but I haven't needed to use it yet and I won't unless I have to. Giving there a steroid and night is just asking for sleep trouble. We did that once with Ben and it was literally the worst night we had with him.

So, what kind of mother am I? One that doesn't like medication unless its absolutely necessary. I usually use homeopathic remedies or medications, not counting tylenol or IBprofen. Its so much better for my babies without all the push for medication that Drs seem to give you. Here is the lsit of things my babies are on right now:
Ben: colloidal silver (oral and a few drops in his ear for his ear infection ), tylenol for the pain
Umcka for his croup (its not a herb, its the name of a remedy), and Benadryl for his allergies
The girls are only on Umcka and tylenol for their teething.

Ben has the humidifier right now, but it will be moved into the girl's room otnight along with their air purifier.

On a side note: Here are the girl's 15 month stats:

Addison:
28 in. tall
16 lbs. 4 oz.

Peyton:
28 1/4 in. tall
15 lbs. 14.5 oz.
Both are approaching the 5th percentile

Thats what kind of mom I am.
P.S. I did keep the girls in my room for a night so I could hear them breathe. Yeah, I know, crazy, huh? lol just kidding.

sometimes its lonely inside my head

2011-05-17T19:05:00.000-07:00

   Well, the hubby is going out of town in a few weeks. He's been telling lots of people, so that I'll have help with the three little munchkins. He says he's doing it so people will visit and I won't be lonely. But honestly? Without him here, I'm already lonely.

   Maybe its because I've moved so many time, but I feel lonely a lot. Maybe its because I've moved so many time, but I'm pretty good at making friends but not keeping them long term. I mean, they're still my friends, but we're not super close anymore. I'm noticing it more and more. People who I thought I was close to, I'm really not. There is only one person who has been in my life for longer than the time I've lived there. She's still my best friend. We still talk.

   I thought I had friends in HS, I thought I had friends from youth, but none of them want to have anything to do with me anymore. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I didn't grow up with any of them. I only met them when I was 14. They were nice and I guess they tried to be friends with me, but they don't want to anymore. Its hard breaking into a group of friends that have know each other practically their whole lives.

Whenever I go home to VA, nobody is excited to see me or get together. Its hard to accept that people just don't care anymore. Its hard to see their relationships with each other and to not be included. Its the same everywhere I go.

    We've moved 4 times in our 4 years of marriage and for the most part we've kept a pretty secure group of friends. They've gotten us through so much. THey are definitely ones we will keep in touch with.

Its just hard living like you have no one in your past. Its lonely. But maybe its just all in my head.

help! in need of some yummy ideas

2011-05-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

I've been doing much better at planning dinners and actually making them, as opposed to just making spaghetti or cooking a few chicken breasts.

However, I still find myself struggling over lunches. Probably because Ben is so pick (he gets that from me). I can make sandwiches and he eats only the cheese and meat. Or soup, He loves Ramen. Honestly? I can't think of anything else to feed him for lunch besides leftovers and that's my territory!

SO, I need lunch ideas that will fly with a picky little angel! lol Thanks for your help!!

Reasons I love Summer Time

2011-05-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

Isn't summer the best season ever? Its definitely MY favorite season ever.. I totally hate winter and coldness with a passion. Anyways, I want to list some of my favorite things that I look forward to in the summer time:

1. warmth
2. sunshine
3. popsicles
4. long walks
5. fresh cut grass
6. parks
7. swings
8. windows downs in the car
9. coolness at night
10. windows open with a slight breeze
11. camping
12. BBQs
13. naps in sunbeams
14. tanning
15. flip-flops
16. capri-pants (even if I can't wear them on campus)
17. pretty flowers
18. feeding the ducks
19. fishing
20. spray park/ swimming/ water
21. sprinklers
22. growing a garden
23. fresh veggies
24. colorful photography
25. playing in the yard
26. fresh lemonade
27. sitting on the porch
28. red natural highlights in my hair
29. soft serve ice cream
30. the beach w/ my toes in the warm sand

MMMmmm... just thinking about it makes me happy!

what to do, what to do . . .

2011-05-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

   Its just been one of those days. I ate hardly anything all day because I was running around all day. Such a tiring day to say the least.

   Yesterday was so amazing! It was the best weather we've had all year, which is pretty sad because it almost half way through the year already. After my class, we played at the park then walked to Gator Jack's and KiwiLoco. Best family date night! It was all so yummy!! Oh so much fun in the sun.

   Today, however, was even better than yesterday, weather wise. I just didn't get to enjoy it until it was almost gone. See, last night Ben got this really bad cough that worried me. I thought it might be croup but it ended up going away today. I was still worried about it this morning so I made an appointment with the Dr.( that was later canceled) Anyways, for Mother's day Toby gave me a haircut. No, he did not cut my hair but he let me get my hair done! My friend from church did it, and she did a great job! I got highlight and tomorrow I got back for my haircut because I had class before we had time to do it. I'm excited! Anyways, I had to basically run to class, then run home because we had dinner to get to some friends, then on to yet another friend's birthday party! (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LANDON!!)
So, here's to hoping tomorrow will stay nice for tomorrow because I want to go garage saleing tomorrow with a friend. Oh, and I have a group project to work on, and of course my haircut. Phew, my weekend just got busy. Ha.

strange things are happening

2011-05-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

So, like I have said recently, this semester is kicking my trash. I've never been so busy, at least since high school. However, this time is different. Instead of all these classes that I've taking, I have 3 kids plus an insane class. Last night I had so much homework: Work on my 5-6 pg paper (due friday) work on my critique paper (5-6 pg), read an 11 pg. article, read Ch. 5, and work on our group project. No fun. I was up until midnight doing homework then was doing it until just before class. This stress is getting to me and actually affecting me physically. I have been having more headaches, more backaches, and especially more tired. Also, I've been having these episodes of hypoglycemia. It where my blood sugar drops. I get weak, tired, light-headed, insanely hungry. The only thing that brings me out of it is sugar. the first time it happened, I tried eating crackers but it just got worse, and I felt like a needed a popsicle. It got better after that. I've had a few more episodes and sugar always brings me out of it. I don't have insurance, so going to the Dr. isn't possible, so I asked hte next best thing: my mom and WebMD.com All say that the only thing the dr is gonna do is make sure you know to have some simple sugars an hand so it doesn't get out of control. What luck, I love candy!!
It also said that it can be caused by stress, which is the most likely, so hopefully it goes away after this semester or even this block! Here's to hoping!

he love me, he loves me not, HE LOVES ME!!

2011-05-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

Its true. He loves me.

Not that I haven't know this for over 4 years, but I just have to say it here, that I am so grateful that I've found someone to spend the rest of my life to love and who loves me more than words can say. Anyone who knows me, knows that this past years has the been the hardest of our lives and we've become so much closer together through it. He strengthens me in every way possible!

Lately, with both of us being in school and with 3 kids it hard to find time for a date night out. Last night, however, he brought me home flowers. For no reason, but that he wanted to show me how much me loves me.

(Sidenote: He says that whenever he goes to get flowers, he always runs into someone he knows and when they comment how sweet it is that he is getting flowers, he feels as if it doesn't count anymore because someone else know... how sweet is that? Its ok, Babe, it totally counts!

Anyways, he showed me how much he loves me and I want to do the same. He's been my best friend, the person I can always rely on to keep my secrets, to whisper how beautiful I am, and the best father in the world. I'm so lucky to have you, baby!

cute things are happenning all around

2011-05-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

My babies are growing up and getting so big!!! Peyton cut her first tooth today. Its the first one between the two of them and we expect Addison to follow suite in the next week. That's how its always been.
Today was a gorgeous day. We played outside for awhile and the girls actually crawled around in the grass, Peyton whined for a bit, but she did ok after that. I fixed the straps on my jogging stroller and Toby planted our bulbs. I wish I knew exactly what they were, but I'm hoping they'll be beautiful. Then we made tacquitos and they were amazing! Best tacquitos ever!! Now I will spend the rest of the night doing my homework like a good little girl. yippee.. (sarcasm intended!)

you should see my mind

2011-05-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

Oh man. This semester is taking its toll on my already. I'm so tired and I still have so far to go. Literally? there is only about 1 month left of this crazy class. However, I have three 5-6 page papers to write in that time. Oh man. That's about all I can say. I'm back to taking a short nap during the day because my mind is so tired. I just spent the last few hours working on a project that is due tomorrow. I've been working on it for about a week now and I'm just finishing it up. Phew. Now tomorrow, before class, I have homework to get done. Oh man. hmmm.. I feel like I'm saying that a lot. Must mean I'm tired if I can't even think of something else to say. I think I used my thesaurus so much tonight to help with words that I could think of. Blah. <---- that's how I feel right now. I think I'll go to bed. Oh wait, I still have science homework to do. Oh man. Screw it, I'm going to bed. Hello, fluffy pillow!!! I'll write more when my brain comes back from vacation.

order in chaos

2011-05-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not a neat person. I have struggled my whole life with being messy. Sometimes I just can't bring myself to do anything about the mess in my house. Until now. Toby and I set a goal of keeping our house at least in some semblance of order. We started with one room and cleaned it until it was perfect. We then moved from room to room doing the same thing while still keeping the other room in order.
I also found an idea on another mmb's blog (which I can't remember where, just know it wasn't my idea). The idea is that you write down the chores that need to be done on individual cards (she cut out cards from the back of a cereal box) and write down all the chores. As you complete them, you flip them over. You can change the order everyday, but you still have a way of checking of your list and also keep track of them! Here's mine:

Another thing we were struggling with is our food budget and overspending on food. I got this idea from a email my mom sent me, even though I changed it a little. We label each day with a different food category. This way we can write out a menu and know exactly how to plan out our meals with plenty of variety. Its been such a help with keep us in check with our budget.

We have done so well this month by doing this and we even has some left over in our budget at the end of the month. We only go shopping once and week unless we forgot something on our list. We HAD to make a list. Its been a lifesaver! We even throw in new recipes if we think we can fit them in. Here is this week's schedule:
Monday: Hot dogs w/ Mac&Cheese ( a kid's favorite!)
Tuesday: Chicken Alfredo
Wednesday: Tacquitos
Thursday: Chicken Strips w/ Winger's Sauce and fries
Friday: PIZZA NIGHT!! (homemade pizza rolls)
Saturday: Orange Chicken

I'm still looking for some other ideas on how you keep you house clean or what your routine is?

Maybe this time it will work

2011-05-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

I think this is the fourth time I've tried this, so hopefully nothing gets screwed up this time, because I'm not doing it again!

Day 24-A letter to your parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

Im sure that you love me, but I think you think your grand kids are the bee's knees!

Love, Samm

P.S. your grand kids love you too!!

Day 25-What I would find in your bag
I use mainly my diaper bag:

1. gdiapers w/ cloth inserts

2. wetbag

3. changing pad

4. about a bazillion toys

5. enough snacks to feed and army

6. books

7. wallett

8. cell phone

9. wipes

10. water bottle and sippy cups

Day 26-What do you think about your friends
All my friends are pretty awesome, but i have the greatest friend in the world. She's always visiting me on my special occasions. She came up for my wedding (it was a surprise), and she came up to support me after my girls were born. Its means everything to me that she is always there for me!! I hope I can do the same.

Day 27-Why you are doing this 30 day challenge

At first I thought it would be fun, but this just got old and long and I kept forgetting. It has been good to get things down and it got me going on blogging again. This is the most I've ever blogged, I believe. I hope others have enjoyed learning a little bit more about me. Next time, I'll try and find a funner one (can you say that?! :) )
Day 28-A picture of you from last year and now-how have you changed?

Then

Now

I have learned a ton this past year. I have gone from being responsible for one person to 3. Yep, we jumped from 1 kid to 3 in one pregnancy. It has been a struggle, but I've learned patience and looking for the good in your trials. Trials are given up to strengthen us and teach us. As a family, we have grown through saying family prayers and reading scriptures. We have definitely noticed a change in that we feel the evil forces working harder and harder against us. It just testifies that we are on the right track.

Day 29-In this past month, what have you learned?

I have learned to be more organized. I have been better at shopping and saving and making wholesome meals, even it if takes a little more time. Its been good, me going back to school to get my Associates Degree. I hope it teaches my children the importance of education.

Day 30-Your favorite song

Bryan Adams "Summer of '69" Best song since 1st grade! 'Nuff said.

YES! It worked! I'm done with this challenge! It finally worked out! Hope you enjoyed it!